Wings and Things

Change: illusion

2011-06-11T18:01:00.000+01:00

I sometimes wondered why we change but now it's clear. The reflection we see in the mirror, the reflection of yourself doesn't reflect the whole lives that you have been through, in my case 20 years of life; it's just a reflection after all. Despite the fact, a wondrous illusion that came up by nerves sending signals from our eyes then, sent to our brain creating such illusion does satisfy what we want to see. Then again, that totally falls in the category of 'depending on your self belief'.

Illusion? Everything you see is illusion, because of many reasons. Have you ever stumbled upon the true question in life, where you ask yourself, 'can I truly trust my eyes?' I know one thing for sure, that our eyes does contributes to the act of lying. I know for sure, without eyes, we won't be able to see anything. Lies or no lies, our eyes had to be trusted in order to see. Let's start from the beginning, where the real question is, can you sense change?

Do me a favour, and look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see? Your reflection obviously. However, does it show, how much you have aged? does it show the wrinkles that broke through your skin? does it show that you have lived for so long? does it show difference? Yes, probably to all the questions mentioned and most important of all, difference is mutual. Superficially, your difference can be seen by yourself and everyone else.

But humans are not that simple, it has be complicated and the complication is that, humans have personalities which would eventually change relative to surrounding, time and so much more. This type of change is not conscious to one self but very conscious to the people around. Still , considerably it is called 'difference' but non-superficial. Hence, evolved the feeling of boredom, ignorance and so much more. Illusion in this case, takes most of the credit for the evolution of such feeling which primarily due to 'change' at first.

Conclusion is, if you are human then you will never be able to escape from 'change' until the end of time for you. Life is a concept of change. Hence, we see change but it is an illusion to yourself but a reality for everyone else around you.

Seraphic

Spring!

2011-03-27T23:57:00.001+01:00

It's Sunday and what other perfect ways of spending your Sunday? By having a picnic of course!!! It's actually the BruSea plan to have the pcinic! I love picnics and since it is the beginning of a new and favourable season, spring! it's time to celebrate the warm sunny day! Time to wear the shades and let the sunshine, shine on you! Although, today was cut short into 23 hours instead of 24 hours because it is the end of the Winter times and a change into the Summer time!

And hey, what's a picnic without good food? Hakeemah and I decided to make mee mamak! Well just let the pictures below do the talking, okay? Conclusion is I had fun!!! hadn't had fun for a while now! Because of coursework deadlines that needs catching up and also tests! thus, I really need it~ :)

Well, supposedly me. .as a base is ideal. But look at that! I look so tortured and the other boys are bigger than me obviously and stronger than me can hold it. so right after sara went up we all collapsed. Sigh

Food during picnic is absolutely nice! and I have to say I love picnics because of the food! Well, caught redhanded here, with food!

Time to pose during picnics, because that is what you do! well, pose for the camera actually but during picnics makes it awesome!

In line to play rugby game! I love picnics as you play a lot of different games and time to run as fast as you can! and sweat!

Here is my awesome senior! I salute her for her awesome fashion taste! she looks good anything basically! and all of the pictures posted in this posts are courtesy of Veronica Chung!!! Her camera is totally awesome!!!

Loads of food! loads of them! and loads to eat! right? =)

Here are the best companies you can ever get! my best friend Hakeemah! and Fashionable Amilin! =)

We are having fun basically! posing and laughing and making fools of ourselves are the best stress reliever! indeedddddd!

The awesome BruSeas! the best picnic ever! and everyone agrees!

Well, girls are tough too!and posers!!! hah!

Pick me up she says! ohhh alright~ hehehe!

I had fun! I coudn't find anymore words better to say how much I had fun! lying down on the grass of UEA lake and gazing at the blue bright skies is just spectacular!!!

The summary of the beautiful event is that, we had fun. And UEA lake is the best place to have picnics! and I love picnic food! although we had funny moments where we got chased after a huge black fluffy dog! which ran over our food and obviously took some and ran away~! and yeah, we were also running away from it! lol. Funny~ =) and so memorable!

I am in love with UEA.

cheers

Cleopatra

2011-03-25T21:18:00.000Z

RIP Elizabeth Taylor

She, the most famous for her debut role as Cleopatra (1963) have now left this cruel world to a better place, I suppose. As respect and tons of appreciation, today I watched one of her very famous movie, Cleopatra (1963). Obviously, this is my very favourite movie of hers and she at the age of 30 something looks dashingly beautiful. Undoubtedly, as time flies by, beauty flies by with it, without you being able to stop it. Cleopatra is a historical-event-like movie torn between two greatest historical empires/kingdoms.

Watch the movie if you are interested in Cleopatra and also the beauty of Elizabeth Taylor back then.

I am a muslim

2011-03-24T00:52:00.001Z

Throughout UK universities you will see their Islamic Societies conjuring an event called the "Islamic Awareness week". At the Square of UEA, the booth stands at the centre of the Square while at the sides are filled with a lot of people relaxing and absorbing the scorching sunlight which is deprived here in the UK. Attracting another minority of attention is the people who stood up for the Islamic awareness booth with gentle, kind, and friendly ways. Free Food, did I spell it right? yes people, free food! Another two-faced way of both negatively and positively attracting attention which worked like a charm. I saw a lot of outsiders, meaning not only the Saudis approaching the most literally oasis-like booth, the locals are also interested of what the booth has to offer.

I embraced the fact that I for once, is also an alien to most of the Islamic Group. As a general 'Asian' I have been mistakenly thought of being a 'Filipino', 'Indonesian', 'Malaysian', 'Mexican', and most favourite, 'Chinese'. What they do not expect most from me, is that I am a born Muslim. Yes, Allah is my God. Some has already met me before and have known my religion. When I approached the calligraphy section, I asked the person to write my name in Arabic, and when I pronounced my name, he immediately asked where I came from, as it's pretty obvious my name is an Islamic name, moreover, in Arabic.

I guess some of them don't really know where Brunei Darussalam is, as I have to explain the usual 'Island of Borneo trick/Urang utan' so that they know. Well, I guess Brunei is too 'new' to be noticed or more like too small! The food which for me, symbolizes more of cultural than religion. Except for the date fruits which is quite an ancient fruit. while being served with Arabic or Saudi's cuisines including tea and coffee, we get to know more of each other. Almost all of them are form Saudi Arabia (obviously) and it is a very long talk as I realize I have been sitting at the oasis-like booth for almost an hour.

What really attracted me was the free Holy Al-Quran Translation Book which the society is giving away. I got one and I am really pleased! It's amazing to have such translation in English as it makes sense to me more and easier to read of course.

That's all for now.

Better Sun

2011-03-23T19:53:00.000Z

It took quite a while to figure out what I really wanna do for my second year. It's not an easy task as I had to do a lot of choices and I had to discuss long hours about my module choice with my Advisor. It's a nice session as she did brought up about what I wanna do in my third year, the independent project that interests me but I wasn't sure so I said for now, I am flexible with anything. Although, I explained to her that I am totally avoiding Chemistry as I hate chemistry practicals. Which then, while typing this, I have a chemistry practical tomorrow morning and it's assessed! Don't really enjoy doing chemistry to be honest, not anymore.

Bear with me here, as I will be explaining nonsense about my module choices. The one interest me most is obviously, Solid earth Geophysics with Field Course! the Field Course will hopefully give me hands-on experience on real life machines. The other modules are Fossil Fuels, Geodynamics: Earth's Engine and the two compulsory Mathematics. Sigh, Mathematics surely is gonna be hard next year since, there will be more MatLab and harder Calculus! But I am still not sure if I should take GIS for dissertation and Earth Science Skills as I could take something else. Yeah, I guess I need more thought. Owh well, the due date is next week so I still got time.

Owh yes, sunny day today! awesome as it is. Nothing really happened today, nothing really eventful that is. Most of it was doing work, and surely you don't want me here discussing about my work! I mean, would you be interested in Classical Mechanics? I don't think so, and yes, avoid it!

There's one thing though that got me thinking, and this was recently. I got a few of my friends who I don't see much anymore telling me that I look totally different and whenever they see my profile picture in Facebook, they thought it was someone else. How is that possible? I asked them why though, but they just say I just do look different. Hmmm. I think it's because of my hair for sure. My hair is longer now, and definitely it does make me look different right? funny.

Moving on, April does seem to come real fast! I can't wait for the holidays actually! I am so excited! Two of my close friends are coming here to visit me! and I will treat them royalty for sure! Because there's a lot of places to see here in Norfolk and Norwich! And not to mention my University! We'll be visiting beaches, Zoo, gardens, the largest lake here in Norfolk! and so much more! One week of fun with the ones you care! I am really looking forward for it! :)

Shepherd's Pie Made by Yours truly and Hakeemah

And ohh, yesterday Hakeemah and I made Shepherd's Pie! to anyone who have eaten my Shepeherd's pie I made in Manchester would know it's heavenly! Because it's my recipe! there's a little twist there, hehe. But yes, we ate a whole each and it was the best home baked meal ever!

Signing out,

Guess, you'll have to read this blog everyday, 'cause I will be updating it everyday from now on, since this blog is revived!

Are we too emotional?

2011-03-22T01:32:00.000Z

Even after we say that we have grown up, we still have a few unfinished business with our past. What I meant by past is our emotional stability back then. If you are born to be emotional then, you are emotional for every single second of your life. But emotions and especially sadness will stay with you for the rest of your life. It is undoubtedly healthy to have emotions, which shows you are human. I guess, that's why grown ups still cry although it is still entirely subjective.

Our emotional stability is relative to our surroundings. A happy environment will give you joy, excitement and so many more, whereas a sad environment like attending a funeral or watching a soap opera will bring down your tears and hence overwhelmed with sadness emotions. everyone has their own unique ways on how to vent their emotions. The most common is through music as music itself has influential powers that paralyzes consciousness and hypnotizes you, which, commonly know as a the 'forgetful spell'.

Although, the synchronisation of tune or emotion will not work in making us forget about our problems, instead it will built up more emotions and usually will bring down more tears. The synchronization works when the song or music is a sad song, and eventually sad songs will make you more sad when you listen to it. The idea of listening to sad songs when you are sad is both a good and bad way of venting away your emotions. One way of looking at it is that, when you listen to sad songs, you feel that you are not the only one person who have the same problem. Although, it will create a cloud of sadness and sometimes, worst, suicidal. It is the same concept when you are happy and you listen to happy songs.

I respect every single ways on how to vent emotions, as we deserve such venting in order for our mind to be distracted. Little do we know about our actions, but to our understanding and the comfortableness of doing the certain venting will help us to ease the pain. My personal favourite is to talk to someone you know very well about your sad emotions or problems. To confide with someone is the healthiest way and that is why it is my personal favourite.

According to my observations, myself as a specimen; puberty, a one hook explanation which supposedly negligible in this analysis. It is considerably a common factor in the disorder of emotions. Evidence for this can be seen by reading this blog, if you must. The teenage years is a bit complicated and normally your hormones are too excited till you can't control it.

What makes us too emotional? Friends? peer pressure? I guess everything can make you feel emotional. Finding friends is truly hard and close friends are the best!

On the other hand, I know distance will make it hard to last. I seriously believe this. Because, both distance and time are relative and both increases at the same rate. What am I trying to say is, when you are faraway from a friend, you begin to miss a lot of things and sometimes, you don't really know who your friend is anymore, especially when the change in that person is so fast that you can't keep up with it anymore. It's hard to keep up! In the end, it's useless to use the word 'close'. I just want to let everyone know this.

I wrote all those just to hit the very last and important point. Actually that's the only point I want to say, none relative to the earlier paragraph. I am awesome that way~ right?

Aright, enough of my midnight ranting~ Good midnight~

(who reads this anyway?)

Midnight ranting. More updates

2011-03-21T01:46:00.000Z

~~Life is so expensive. Like seriously~~

When you are living by yourself, you have to take account of everything there is need to know about survival. First rule should be, food for survival. A simple one, you need to keep on feeding yourself and sometimes, you don't have time do that, hence you will feel really homesick and wishes your mama and papa would cook you a home-cook meal. Alternatives, INDOMEEE or pasta with tomato sauce or other forms of instant noodles. I know, it's kinda messy to think that we come here to the UK to study mainly, on the other hand, we also have to think of our health, ourselves generally to survive. It's a very hard task to deal with as our lives are at stake.

I'd say, no money and for sure, you'll be dead. Because every step and every move you do here relies on money. Which, the second rule should be, fashion for survival. And third, 'time'. Why fashion is so important? that's simple. I love to shop and I am a shopaholic. Even if there is money for food, I rather go buy some clothes using that money. I am a slave for shopping so don't judge me. Well, I guess, another reason is that you use normal clothes to go to lectures and go out with casual clothes and etc, so buying new clothes for different places you go is essential, not to mention we HAVE to buy jackets, hoodies for the cold weather here, and yes, all these cost a fortune. Time on the other hand is very hard to handle and plan because you have so many stuff happening each day, and for me, I don't get a day off on the weekdays unlike other people, hence it is kinda annoying and tiring. Not to mention, my Friday ends at 6PM because I have a lecture at 5-6PM, so I have a very short weekend.*insert Friday song Rebecca Black* So handling those three rules of survival in UK is very hard, as a full-time student I am glad that I managed though.

I guess, anyone who is experiencing the same thing would rather not read this further, as it is kinda boring to be reading about someone's rants right? I am grateful for the money or allowances given by the government as we are on scholarship. But to think that I am on a scholarship is another 4th rule to be considered, 'pressure'. Yeah, I kinda feel pressured sometimes, or not at all, I am not sure, but Mathematics is getting crazier not to mention Mechanics which is the Classical one, and I don't know why Classical Mechanics is that important!!

But, everything eventually will come down to 'Money'. I hope someday, 'they' would understand that since VAT here (the taxes) sky rocketed the prices for mostly everything including my Flat rent, and so it would be nice to have extra money to spend on food. ( I can assure you, I will swear I won't spend it on clothes, pinky swear~) I mean, my rent took 2/3 of my allowances, and I am only left with a hundred plus pounds. My parents literally had to send me money almost monthly so I don't eat bread (only bread) for lunch or dinner. Sigh.

It's a cruel world, where everything has a price.

The more interesting part of this rantings is the updates! I forgot to post the video of our performances that we performed for the International Night here in UEA. Yes, we the BruSea (Brunei Society East Anglia) had performed 3 medley songs, 2 dances and one full singings and we performed it at LCR Club at UEA. Here is the video from YouTube, try to spot me, well I come at the third song, dancing a simple dance.

Update 2011

2011-03-20T01:38:00.007Z

I figured, reviving this blog would be something typical. I mean, probably I would just update for a few days and start forgetting about it all over again. However, it might be a good way of releasing tension by writing stuff.

Darn, what am I kidding? the last post of this blog was about a year ago. How sad, really sad. I have grown up a bit I guess. Grown out of being completely feeling 'useless' and I guess, I lost interest in writing.

There are a lot of things happening in my life since the last post. I mean, I don't really know where to start? there's a lot of things I want to talk about.

For starters, I am having a blast. I have such amazing friends, close friends whom I call them as my owls. I am also living with awesome people whom I really care about (my flatmates). And not to forget the BruSea people, the Bruneians in UEA, my seniors and the people who had helped me to live in UK.

For me, experience has a new meaning. You learn new things everyday and sometime, I am amazed at myself at what I am capable of doing. At some point, life may seem hard to cope with but amazingly if you try really hard, they are no boundaries for anything! UK so far has changed me as a person, even if everyone keeps telling me I don't change that much. What I mean by change is, on the more positive side obviously. I wouldn't go that far to do the extreme.

But the highlight of everything so far is my achievement. I have come so far and worked really hard for it, and manage to grasp hold of it. I believe, this isn't over, I have so much things to accomplish. I know it's easy for some people, but, my journey here was rocky.

To wrap it up, the following pictures will give a glimpse of updates.

The 'Owesome Owls' waiting in line for cash!

Me and Elliott, awesome flatmate :)

Webcam picture during Manchester trip December 2010

Mexican Restaurant, Pedros. I love that hat! :)

Me and Lucy! :) Awesome Flatmate BH09

BruSea, before performing for the International Night ISS 2011

BHo9 Girls featuring me

Waiting for the tube trains, us owesome owls

Me, Yasmin and Elliott. BH09 pppppaaarrttyyy

The inspirational wall with BruSeans, Milin, Hakeemah and Nani

And lastly, Hakeemah, a great friend. :)

Surprise!! and another Owl outing~

2010-06-24T16:22:00.002+01:00

In the morning, I accompanied my sister to go to her dentist appointment at Sengkurong hospital. That place gives me the creeps; you can hear children screaming because the walls aren’t sound proof and it was really making the people waiting outside scared! Feeling hungry, we ate brunch at Frangipani. My second time going there; I was recommending my sister to go there and I was practically making good comments about the restaurant and so she decided to treat ourselves brunch. I ordered chicken pie. It was good and my sister ordered Ayam Penyet. Although, it was my second time, I did have a moment to take in the beauty of that place, because it’s just so calm or maybe because there’s no one besides us having brunch there at that time.

My sister and her 'ayu' pose

I asked my sister to accompany me to buy a gift for Ani. And so she did, and she also picked a present for me. Because I am so bad at giving people gifts and my choices of gifts isn’t that magnificent either. Some of my close friends might have to agree with this! Lol~ I do hope Ani likes it. It could be useful, and to top it off, I used the toy story bag to keep the present inside.

Fast forward, at night, it was time for the plan to be executed. The surprise! Ziqah is fetching me up. We stopped by Bakerlyn to buy two cakes for both Ani and Nabs~ Since, Ziqah was apparently a favoured customer at Bakerlyn, she was given two extra small cakes! Lucky girl~ we rushed to Capers restaurant and immediately asked the waitress waiting at the door to hide it. We waited for Ani’s arrival. When she arrived~ she was a bit surprised to see us, although, she kinda expected us to be there at the last minute. We were hiding behind the wall, hoping that she won’t see us, but somehow she saw us hiding~ lol. The night was a blast indeed, as I catch up conversations with Colin and Zudin. The food was great and the ‘eat all you can‘is always worth! Although, only half of 20 plus people I have invited, came, what a disappointment! =/ really. But I guess, we’re okay still without the other half right?

Surprise Aniii!!!! Although you seem to already expect us to be there! haha

This was before the surprise, hiding behind the wall.

Another surprise of the night was that, Riku came! I was shocked because I thought she can’t come because of transport issue and her parents might not led her go, but thank god her parents led her go anyways~ Although, she was there for an hour only, it was nice seeing her. I still feel guilty though, that I took a piece of her pizza, because I thought, she was paying for the ‘eat all you can’ too, but nope, she ordered the ala carte instead, wise decision though, because she’s staying for a while only.

Eseh~ what am I doing? hahah, yeah~ posing ;)

Took a picture of the person who is taking my picture, ahahah

Lol~ pizza yumm yumm!

Okay, hahahah, I guess we were laughing at some funny picture huh?

Group photo!!! owls love!

When we almost finish eating, well, everything that we ordered. As we were doing our catching up conversations with each other, we had to make a signal to tell the waitresses to bring in the cake that we hid. The problem with this is, how are we going to give the signal? The waitress are pretty busy so it was hard to give out the signals and so colin helped by waving at the waitress as if he is going to make another round of orders. So we whispered to the waitress cake and acted as if we were wanting to order something. Phewh~ the waitress understands! After a while the cake arrives and SURPRISE! haha~

The birthday cake surprise! I hope nabs is surprised! and Ani too!

The guys

heheh~

Money money~ money! woohoooo! we spent that much?

Lol~ my bday gift to Ani!

Ani~ hope you like that~ =) Sorry for the paper stuffings I stuffed in the bag! bejurit usulnya! haha

When we were damn full, there was still some food left. I can’t finish it. And so I was looking around for a place to dispose it. Haha. I spotted the flower vase! But it was too risky so I decided not to~ We had to finish the food anyways, because they might charge if we don’t. Some of us smuggled the food. Haha. I don’t want to mention names =P Overall, it was a great night!

Happy Belated birthday to Ani and Happy Advanced to nabs!

Seraphic

Owls love~

2010-06-22T14:20:00.002+01:00

Plans ohh plans. Yesterday Zati told me that they will be having a birthday party, well, a suprise party to be exact for both Ani and Nabz at Capers, this Thursday. And my duty is to make the event thingy at facebook so that it is easy for me to invite both of their friends! I invited most of their closest friends, about 20 people of them. I really hope that they really come! =)

On the side note! Good news from my sister is that, my sister’s boyfriend has been offered a job at Maktab Sains as a Physical education teacher! pretty awesome huh? Congratulations to Amp Md Hafi! Although, it made me wonder, if only he was offered that job two years ago! When I was still in Maktab Sains! My life would be easier, if he’s around back then~ I mean, it would be easier for me if I want to book the gym or anything to do with p.e or sports. At least, there is someone to guide me. Because, hell! I don’t know anything about the PE part back then~ haha, mostly I wasn’t paying attention!

I am owling with Riku =) we talked a lot about random stuff. =)

Okay, just a simple update! I guess, that’s it~ xxxxxx

Seraphic

Cougars

2010-06-21T14:03:00.003+01:00

Haha! Back to school but not for me! Hehehehe! Monday blues? But not for me! Hehehe! Wake up early? But nor for me! Hehe! So what did I do today? Not much! I just kept on watching tv shows, Astro, I mean at starworld, like desperate housewives at 5PM every weekdays; now as a routine. And at night, I am waiting for cougar town! Which is awesome!!! I like both desperate housewives and cougar town although both of them influenced me to like older women! Which I have to admit! Yes, I like older women! ;) They are amazing and very experienced ;) . I mean, older women like those in desperate housewives are exceptionally hot don’t you think? Haha. I have no favourites, all of them are pretty good with their characters! Although, cougars are an urban legend in Brunei for sure! I mean, I don’t think there’s any? ;)

The beautiful housewives~ rawr~

Cougar town rocks!

Other than liking cougars as a reason why a guy like me, love to watch ‘desperate housewives’ is also because that, the story line is pretty amazing. Although, I have to admit that I haven’t watch the first and second season, and just jumped right in on the 3^rd and fourth season; that I can understand pretty well on what is going on. The setting is just great, although it is fictional but you can apply the storyline to anything real life, don’t you think so? But yes, overall, what I wanna say is, I just fell in love with the story lines~ hehe. Okay, I guess that’s the update for today!

And oohhh! Before I forget! Happy Birthday Ani !!!! You are an awesome friend! And May Allah Bless you~ =)

Seraphic

Obsessed

2010-06-20T15:37:00.002+01:00

My weekend is filled with me doing a lot of chores. Aaaaahhh this is the life! NOT! Haha. Night time is the time which I look forward the most because of the wonderful movies Astro have in store for us to watch! Well, obsessed is finally aired! And it was pretty entertaining. After doing a few reviews ( I don’t think I have done any?) I have found out that I sucked at doing reviews like totally! So I have decided to search for a good review and post it here~

** This review may contain spoilers ***

So when I first saw the trailer for Obsessed, I have to admit I was curious to see this, even though the "fatal attraction" story has been used five million times before, it's always interesting to see what the new fresh writer is going to do with it. Obsessed could have been so much more and offered a lot to the table but instead turned out to be a Lifetime movie of the week. There are so many problems with this movie, it's not even funny... oh, wait actually it was, which I'll explain in a minute. But trust me when I say that this movie had me laughing so hard. Now, I don't want to sound strange or wrong, I'm a white woman and even I found this movie not only to be sexist, but racist as well. We have a black family who actually are very successful, well bred, beautiful, smart and nice people, but somehow Beyonce turns ghetto in the end. This movie needs so much work, it's honestly ridicules, let me tell you about the story before I tell you all that's wrong with it.

Derek Charles is the Executive Vice President of Gage Bendix and has resulted in a recent promotion. He is happily married to his wife, Sharon, with a son, Kyle. However, when a new temp, Lisa begins to flirt with him. Lisa eventually attempts to seduce him, but he repeatedly rejects her advances. Lisa becomes obsessed and begins to manipulate Derek and Sharon's relationship, eventually becoming violent. Lisa fakes a suicide in Derek's hotel room while he is on a business trip. Meanwhile, Detective Reese interrogates Lisa, who lies about her relationship with Derek. While Derek and Sharon are out, Lisa goes to their home and convinces the babysitter to let her in, eventually escaping with Kyle while the babysitter is distracted. Derek goes to the car, intending to pursue Lisa, and finds Kyle in the backseat with lipstick from Lisa on his forehead. They set up a home alarm system, but at this point nothing is going to stop Lisa from getting what she wants.

This is one of the worst movies of the year; why? I never really found Ali Larter to be that threatening, everything happened so fast with her obsession, I didn't get her motive or history on why she might possibly be obsessed with this man. Idris Elba who plays the husband, Derek, is completely whipped. Now granted I know they were trying to make him into a nice husband, but did they go far or what? This man sent flowers to his wife every week, isn't allowed to go to a basketball game with a friend, is not allowed to have female assistants, pretty much hide in the corner at the company Christmas party so his wife won't jump on him at home. Beyonce Knowles, who plays his wife, Sharon, I had no sympathy for her character what-so-ever. This woman has major jealousy issues and we never know why, she mentions that he once was a player up till he met her, but it's never indicated that he ever cheated on her, so why in the heck is she so incredibly jealous? Also when she finds out that Lisa attempted suicide in Derek's bed, she won't even hear his side of the story, not only that, the house he paid for, she throws him out for THREE MONTHS! God, I want know what happens to him if he doesn't do the dishes, does he have to sleep in the back yard? I have to talk about the ending, I'm sorry, so if I haven't already spoiled the movie enough don't read on.

The ending: we go from the story being about Derek and this crazy woman who has insane fantasies about them having an affair... stepping in the right direction. But then all of a sudden, Lisa breaks into their home and lays herself in their bed and Sharon, the wife, catches her, instead of being rational and calling the police, it goes into "it's all about Beyonce" mode and she's shouting out one liners just to please the audience. The girls take the ultimate beating and somehow are still able to land on their feet, for God's sake they have 105 lb. Ali Larter swinging a two by four at Beyonce! Then after Sharon kills Lisa, she walks out of the house all bloody and the detective and husband come, as he holds her we pause on Beyonce's face while her song is playing... hmm, subtle on the promotion there, she's a secondary character for goodness's sake! Also one other thing I have to spoil is that Lisa puts a roofie in Derek's drink and seduces him in some way... what was the purpose of this scene? It never comes up again or had any purpose, if it's supposed to be threatening, not so much. The detective was also a stupid addition to the story, she is the most incompetent detective ever. Just everything about this movie didn't work, pointless characters, no backrounds, no thrills, chills or suspense, save your money.

2/10

By a very realistic woman! After reading this, I sorta have to agree! Hahah.

Seraphic

Maid-less

2010-06-19T14:31:00.002+01:00

I am officially maid-less! Good riddance old witch! Hahah. And I wonder, what will my life be, without a maid; will it be a disaster? Or at least there are a lot of chores for me to do! Well, if that’s the case, then I won’t be bored at home, doing housework. But man, that is going to be a boring life, I would have, doing housework all day every day. I don’t really mind if I earn money from it though. Hehe.

Second design is here! Tell me what you think. Also, go to my deviantart page and favourite it and best, if you comment on it. The best view you can get is by going to my deviantart page at this link: http://seraphic-angel.deviantart.com/art/The-Vibe-d2-168239110?q=1&qo=1 and click on it to zoom in. The art details I have done can only be seen if you enlarge it! Hope you people like it!

Seraphic

Miri~

2010-06-18T15:24:00.000+01:00

Ohh Miri~ my journey to Miri was quite boring. I woke up unusually really early in the morning. I had to anyways, eventhough I didn’t have much sleep the night before, because I was having a terrible insomnia. But at least I managed to wake up really early. I wasn’t really looking forward to all this because I never liked going to Miri in the first place, I mean, I want o go to KK so badly, the fact that we went to Miri instead just made my good mood disappear. Although, the only thing that I could look forward to was having starbucks and buying really cheap contact lens solutions. I guess that’s it.

We ate at Sugarbun for our lunch. And yes, their Sugarbun are the BEST! I mean, why everything in Brunei here, so crappy? The Sugarbun I mean! =/ why can’t we have the same sugarbun that is in Miri! Same goes to Mc Donald and Pizza Hut! =/ this is just bad; I only look forward for the food in Miri! Goshh.

After lunch, we dispersed. My brother and I and my sister is with her boyfriend, and parents; we all in pairs took different paths. I know that in Miri, buying clothes is like buying CD-Cetak Rompak in Brunei. I don’t know other places in Miri, but the Big mall, what is it called? (I have no idea) have only a few limited clothing boutiques! And yes! And most of them are not updated and seriously, very not eye-catching. I have no idea at first, of what to buy because the clothes are just damn ridiculous and ugly and so I decided to buy a hat. A few hours after that, seemingly that I had a lot of RMs left in my wallet, so I decided to just give the echopark a try. I found out that, their clothes are also outdated but I did not let that hold me back of wanting to buy at least 2 t-shirts from the shop. After trying out a few clothes, I managed to buy 2 t-shirts. Hell! Did I know that one of my shirt that I just bought, have swearing written on it! Damn~ I don’t mind but I have to be careful of when to wear it then~

I also helped out my brother with his shoppings. And this has made my day tiring! Lol~ We have to pass through the same corridors of shops for like, I have no idea, but I think around more than ten times just to decide about whether or not he’ll buy either the black or green bag at this particular shop. All the walking and persuading my brother that he is making the right decision of buying the black bag was a good idea has totally made me feel super tired! The Parkson Grand was Bullshit. Yeapp, that’s the word. There is totally nothing fascinating about that place, and as I could remember, it used to, but I have no idea why they sell crappy clothes now!

Our dinner was Mc Donald! I had a double dose of McFlurries and it was super awesome! On the way to buy my solution bottle for my contact lenses, we stopped by Starbucks, finally. It was a joy to have a taste of Caramel frappucinno, my favourite. We took pictures~ and yeah that’s it.

Starbucks!!! caramel frappucinno

me~ actually tired dah~

The drive home was boring too. I mean, I fell asleep with my contact lenses still on. That is just wrong and dangerous, but I think it was a nap. So I guess its okay. But overall, we had a wonderful time together as a family. GMH

Seraphic

The vibe

2010-06-16T14:19:00.000+01:00

Well, as I have promised! The first ever design for ‘The Vibe’ collection by Seraphic Angel is here! I am happy with the outcome of the whole concept and design. I have uploaded it at my deviantart (feel free to click on the link at my side bar or the given link below), you can see why I have chosen the colours and also the combination of materials that I have used. It represents a sort of vibe, in a way like what the background’s colour is. To see more of the detailed design, go to my deviantart, and click on it to zoom in on it. Here’s the link: http://seraphic-angel.deviantart.com/#/d2rvoiq

Seraphic

Ohh Gym~

2010-06-15T14:00:00.001+01:00

I went to the Gym today. Hoping to at least shed some fats but what did I get instead? FATIGUE. It is all over my body!! My legs are hurting me badly and my muscles are all aching. Goshh! I knew going to the gym was a terrible idea. A waste of good $10.00! I can buy a lot of stuff with $10.00! Although, I like my enthusiasm the minute when me and my siblings arrived at JPMC! But wait till you see me an hour after that! I was all blerggghhhh. Well, the thing is, I am not suppose to work out and do exercise immediately after days without exercise, and what I mean is, I am suppose to take it slow but I didn’t. I was doing 30 minutes threadmill and another 30 minutes on the body trec. And ohh 15 minutes on the rowing thing. I forgot to do stretches so yeah, another reason why my body is filled with lactic acid. Or is it just nature? -_____-

‘Imperfect is the new perfect’ – A singer featured at Shane Dawson’s videos, I don’t remember her name -_____-‘

Seraphic

Inspiration

2010-06-14T14:58:00.001+01:00

Well, the fact that I have so little things happening in my life right now makes me rarely do blog entries. At this point, I can only describe how infuriating it is, my days doing nothing has been; makes me want to just die (okay, over dramatic much~). On the side note, I have been filling it with me watching Shane Dawson’s videos. I don’t know why I like watching people do stupidity-stunts and comedy, although it does crack me up every time, which having said that, he is an amazing person. I am half way through hundreds of his videos in youtube. And what I learn from him is that, nobody can ever stop us from what we believe in and what we wanna be or ‘who we are is who we are’. It does give me a bit of realization and thoughts.

Enough about him!! I have been gathering and researching for new sources of inspiration. Inspiration for what you ask? Well, it’s actually for my clothing designs. I want to make a themed collection, and I have come up with a theme called the vibe. Why the vibe? Hmm, well as you can see, clothes set you differently from others and if you are wearing appropriate beautiful clothes, they do gives out a wonderful transparent vibe. The vibe which I am trying to imply is the good and fashionable vibes. For this collection, I shall make clothes with each that has a different use for a certain occasion. It’s like an update for your whole cupboard. I won’t promise though, that I am putting at least 5 clothes for men in this collection. I know I have been away from designing for too long, but I am hoping with my tablet, I could improve my designs.

The important thing is that, I need to get as much inspiration for this collection to be a success. Hopefully I am going to upload the first design from the vibe this week. So please do check out my deviantart, link is somewhere at the side bar. =)

Seraphic

Milk Shakers

2010-06-13T13:50:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, Ziqah invited me and Zati to her family day which is today because we both are the best milk shaker compare to any amateur that you can find in Brunei! They needed someone to manage their milk shake booth so why not take the chance to experience pressure right? And for the sake of fun! And usually things like this don’t happen always right? So yeah we agreed to come.

Zati’s picking me up and we were almost lost trying to find Ziqah’c cousins’ crib but when we did manage to find it, it was like so easy. Because the house is like enormously huge and they have this big field like yard which of course where the family day thing is happening. How can you ever miss a huge place like that? It was awkward at first, because obviously there were a lot of people not to mention, Ziqah having a huge family ranging between three generations at least. So yeah, the point is that, we ain’t family and it was practically awkward to be in someone else’s family right?

But luckily, we went there for a purpose of helping, not intruding and not interfering and even not working for money. We were just glad that we can make milkshakes for the almost friendly people there. I guess, we didn’t really mind at all since the ingredients were not ours. They have a lot of unique games going on which is very interesting, and amusingly to watch and although we felt that it’s best not to be a part of the games since we were wearing jeans and the games are like needing us to be physically active and running with the jeans that I have worn is completely a ‘no situation’. So we decided to just observe and past the time by talking about contact lenses and waiting for noon to strike. Yes, they have physical games in the morning and mental games in the afternoon, all planned out perfectly with a schedule stuck at the walls.

LOL! you can only see my back =/ unfortunately it's the only picture that I have taken! haha!

Afternoon came and we did our best satisfying every family member with our milk shakes. We improvised with the lack of ingredients making and experimenting with banana ice cream and although, I have to admit, with the lack of ingredients, it wasn’t the best milkshake that we have done, but it is still edible. With the help of Ziqah’s parents and siblings, we managed to pull it off! We ate lunch and I was amazed of how it was more to a village-themed and yes, my favourite.

The mental games right after lunch was the one I have fun observing. Sad that I am too shy to be involved and it doesn’t feel right to get involved actually since it’s for their family members. I was able to pick up that they share this magnificent bond within themselves as a huge family. At that moment, not worrying and thinking of the real life matters as it is the time to be avoided, they manage to have fun with these indescribable unique mental games such as, the fastest to open the pinang fruit, the fastest to make bunga rampai, the fastest to make a ‘lidi’ broom, fastest to make the dastar, the clue game and so much more! Not to mention they have these amazing bunch of prizes to be won among them like an airplane ticket to London (vacation) and Iphone and so much more. The amazing part is that, although the games seems to be outdated and old but unique, young teens like me whom are cousins to Ziqah were actively apart of all of it! I am proud to say that they manage to keep the ancient authentic tradition of being a malay alive and having a huge family really is a blessing. Because from my point of view which is so rough, as I have never felt that family vibe and family pride and joy before, as my family (cousins) is considerably small now and it is far hugely a different exciting experience to be able to observe as if it was a cultural shock to me!

It is a completely rare thing to have a family day once a year to most families because in order to do that you need a very big family. I consider them as both noble and country/village-class, which is very rare if you ask me.

I had my and Zati’s contact lenses sent over at Ziqah’s cousin’s place because I can’t be home before 3 p.m so yeah. Overall, I had a great weekend spending with Ziqah’s big family. Looking forward for the next family day!!!

Seraphic.

Celebration!

2010-06-12T14:28:00.001+01:00

I woke up late, as expected and it’s very troubling especially for the person who is picking me up. I bet she is totally annoyed waiting for me to wake up and getting ready for at least half an hour. Dreams, they can be a bit of a disadvantage because sometimes they are too good for me to wake up to and I just love to sleep, for now. Sleep deprived can be another reason why now sleeping is so heavenly because owl-ing on almost every night of my exams is such an energy drainer. Speaking of energy drainer, I can only imagine how it is hard for me to resists all those midnight supper and heavy dinner or lunch, anything that I can get my stomach filled in between revisions and mostly due to stress. Awwwh, stress, no more shall I embrace it but somehow once in a while I shall meet you after this maybe? Who knows, because my life is now filled with me still fattening and turtle-ing inside my house doing possibly nothing. Owh yes, I can still celebrate it, my freedom from the annoying A levels. Almost 2 and a half years I have devoted my life in studying and wasting on it and if this isn’t good enough than, I have no life for sure.

Anyways, drifting away from all those whining; back to where I found out that Ziqah is waiting me outside and I just woke up. Well, I did the usual things when I am late. Rush. Hehe. But yeah, at least I didn’t make her wait for hours but still I am very sorry for that. It was 11.39 AM, God knows how hard it is to get through the Mall Gadong on a Saturday afternoon. We wasted about an Hour just to search for a parking place down at the Basement area. We were hunting for parking places, practically circling around the basement car parking place again and again and finally when getting back to the first floor of the basement car park, we found one. After that, I received a message from Riku saying that she cannot cross from MD since at that time; she hadn’t got anyone reliable friend to accompany her. Feeling rather worried and victorious at the same time, obviously we wouldn’t want to let go of the parking place we just got after searching for an hour. So I decided to ask Zati for help, hoping that she can fetch Riku from MD.

We rushed to the movie area, and Gosh, we noticed there’s a lot of people, well, what can you expect on a school holiday, more kids fooling around. So we bought 3 tickets to see Karate Kid and we bumped into my sister and her boyfriend. And I was like, Owhh, if I knew about them going here earlier, I would’ve just followed them. I was really hungry since I missed my breakfast, so I dragged us to go to Secret recipe. What do you know; they have this executive lunch thing for just $10.80. This included a soup for the appetizers, the main course which you can choose three different types of chicken sauced with rice, the dessert which is surprisingly a huge cake and the ice lemon tea for drinks. Overall, it was a very good promotion thing and I can’t wait to go there again because it so damn good.

While eating we were actually sorting out a plan to kidnap Riku from MD. It turns out that Zati can’t pick Riku since she’ll be late and so, we decided to pick Riku up instead and go somewhere else. At first we decided to go to Yayasan because The Mall was totally inaccessible, too many cars and you get what I mean. But we cancelled out that one and so we decided to just hit the mall, since Riku had to meet up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend *updated*) to give him a late birthday present etc etc. But I asked Ziqah to park at the Jaya Hypermart and we’ll be meeting her there after this meet. First of all, it is very awkward when you were in between something like a meeting or a short date or whatever you call it but it’s something that has to be in between a couple, urgh you know what I mean~ and I was to be in between and it’s awkward because it’s totally imposing and I felt really bad but it’s not my fault if their meet was pretty short. For the record, I did not cause their meet to be that short because hell, did I know it was suppose to be something like a date after a long time not seeing each other. And to be involved in their argument is another thing. I won’t get to this very deeply because hell I don’t want this to happen again.

Fast forward, after that was over we rushed over to Jaya Hypermart and there I met my cousin. Blergh, cousins, they are always thinking of the opposite and most of the time very negative and which also leads to this question whenever they see me with a ‘girl’ . . .”Siapa ney? Girlfriend mu?” . . .wait till they see me with a bunch girls?? I wonder what their question would be and kill me if I hear “Siapa tuu perempuan2 ah? Girlfriendsss mu?” with the most Bruneian ways of busy bodying. Annoying yes, very! This happens all the time, and that’s why I kinda resist outings. Well, this also happens if I meet an uncle, auntie or prolly anyone related! Think them as PAPARAZZIS with no cameras. I know, I don’t have a lot of guy friends because . . .Okay, I can’t answer that somehow =( but if I have a bunch of girls whom I call them as friends then, I am already thankful that I already have friends. I rather have girls as my friends than being a loner. I do have some close guy friends, but yeah, haven’t seen them for ages now. But deep down I know, I can’t have those friends who I would call and hang out with, playing games of whatever, fooling around, share mangas, animes, games, flirt girls and whatever buddies would do during any hang outs. I can’t blame anyone exactly, because it is my fault that I never get close with the guys, and it’s my fault that sometimes I prefer to be approachable but really not into mingling and I have suffered too much now, I know I have because it turns out that I am lonely. And the worst part is, High school is over now and the time to mingle has just ended. Okay, I am sorry this is totally out of topic!

Okay, where were we? Aah yes! Jaya Hypermart~ we went to the lobby to basically catch our breath, and so I could ask Ziqah’s whereabouts. She asked us to meet at somewhere, long story short, we again reunited. Time wasn’t letting us go anywhere far, and so we just strolled our way into the department store and then into euro classic. There I found a perfect gift for Ziqah, a late birthday gift, well not so perfect maybe or I don’t know. Because I bought her something on the spot, which is umm, yeah. It was getting late, and so we had to rush to get to the mall because our movie was starting in about 10 minutes or so, at 4.35 PM. Zati was already there and thank god that she was lucky to get herself a parking space down at the basement car park. We met her outside the cinema and bought popcorns and stuff and then, the movie starts. I love the movie, I know, I am a sucker for happy endings and I don’t really care if it has too much of corny lines and cliché here and there. And you know what! Hollywood is so screwed up with all the defining of karate and kung fu! They are different people! Why Karate kid if in the movie they are actually learning KUNG FU! GOSH! Americans, dear friends! Get your Asian Facts right!

FAST FOWARD, after the Karate Kid finishes we decide we should have dinner at Nabz working place, Frangipanni (Sp?). We were pretty disappointed to know that Nabz wasn’t around, maybe sick or something? I have no idea. But the food, I have to say, rather on the okay side. I ordered the mac and cheese, it was plain cheese with macaroni, I was a bit disappointed because there’s no other ingredients other than cheese inside it; basically too much cheese =/ I wonder how the other food might taste, I am not sure but surely the mac and cheese is to be avoided! I do recommend this place for couples because the place is rather very small though decorations are a ‘thumbs up’ and the environment is very calm and suitable for any meals, dinner and etc. So yeah, we had a good catching up-conversation after a very long time not seeing each other and it was great. =)

Basically my celebration of freedom went pretty well. It is a memorable day (since I blogged about it)~ I am sorry again for the people who had to wait for me in the morning. And I am sorry again to Riku, if you had too much plans on that day, I wouldn’t have the urge to invite you on my freedom parade. I know planning stuff can be on the suck-ish site when everything falls on the wrong places but sometimes spending time with the people you care makes the whole thing totally worth it! I know, that’s so corny =P but that’s me.

p.s I think I need therapy. Sudah atu! haha

Seraphic

Whale!

2010-06-11T14:57:00.000+01:00

Today is Friday. I have nothing to say but, like Nabz Said. . .'Dear operator, can you connect me to Youtube and Twitter??!' I don’t want to see a big FAT whale on my twitter okay! Today I was suppose to go out with Ziqah but had to cancel since she have some last minute plans and instead we make it tomorrow, inviting the others if they want to come.

I can’t wait. =)

FREEDOM! AAC I shall have you! AMIN!

2010-06-09T15:16:00.001+01:00

FREEDOM!!! No more notes, no more doing revision, no more worrying about doing revision, past years, and all those chemistry, physics and maths! NO MORE! I had enough! GO AWAY! I can only hope for the best now and Just hope that my Results will be okay! AMIN! 2 and half years spent on A levels and I guess this is the END! FOR REAL! Alhamdulillah!

I am feeling on the down side about my chemistry still. It was just too hard to handle like seriously! I am still devastated of how the paper turns out to be. I feel like it has totally defeated me in a very bad way. Chemistry had defeated me again. It is heartbreaking because I really really really did study for the damn thing. I have never studied for something like that thoroughly and was really focused, AHHH! You get what I mean! =/ I have never left so much blanks on an exam paper too! This is sad! I might screw up my second chance! And this cannot happen! Huhu

The others for mathematics and physics, I might have a big chance to get an A for both I mean. For the recent past months, I have found my strong site which is physics. Call me crazy, yeah, physics and I kinda Find it easy now. Strange right? But of course, I am not putting too much hope on it. I want an A but at least a B~

My highest target is; for physics, mathematics, chemistry (AAC) and the lowest maybe (BBD)<<< style="mso-spacerun:yes"> I just hope I can do better than last time (CCD) =/ I will try to be a good muslim and start praying for good things to happen in my life because lately, nothing is good =/

I shall pray every day for my success!

Music

2010-06-02T20:41:00.002+01:00

I am always annoyed and practically will always be annoyed, when someone had insulted me about my music taste. You have no rights to judge me based on the songs that I have listened to and the songs that I forever vow to love. I am quite disappointed that some people failed to realise that I am a rock, indie punk, emo-ish blah3 and etc –songs lover! I do not plan to be that way, but my feelings do. Rock songs have artistic values FAR beyond the songs that you people have been listening to? Songs are artworks and they deserve sentimental and emotional meanings too. Lyrics will only tell you the obvious parts but what is written between the lines are all up to you. In this defence, I would love to express that ‘any’ songs with a lot of meaningful words and lyrics will bring you to your wildest imagination and will bring you closer to yourself. Anything in this world relates with each other in a cycle. Songs can relate us in many ways differently. Influence on the other hand is another trick a song could do. I am not trying to condemn the genre of hip hop or pop or others, practically because I also listen to them obviously and superficially. I do have the tendency to catch up with the trend of listening to new songs. Some of them and mostly that shock me to find that, most do have meanings. And for some songs, it is just as good when its meanings disappear due to its catchiness and beautiful beats.

“If you hate love, then why are you still living?” – Me. I believe my taste in music is anything that relates to love. And it is against my will and will always be against any fucking thing’s will to be in love with songs that projects any unknown meaning that has personal values and love ethics. And what I also believe is that, the music I hear sets the emotion that I have in me. I will get you to that about which particular music shows a particular emotion that I have. Anyways, I am really concern about how people nowadays take songs so lowly and are not aware of what it brings to one’s life and are not aware of such hidden meanings and poetry it holds. It could be the first song of your wedding day, the song of your childhood, the song of your romantically love life bonds and so much more. Or it could just be your favourite song. To desire or to adore the song’s origin, mainly the writer or the singer itself is as much as the same as loving some portraits painted by some artists. That is why singers are artists too as they reveal the value of creativity and many of them really do diversify the music in a lot of meanings in a lot of ways possible like the music videos and such. Music videos are practically important nowadays, even if it sometimes made the music lose its natural meaning. But some music practically needs the videos to survive in order to show its real meaning.

I listen to Lady Gaga because she clearly made her biggest point which is proving that ‘No one can be original anymore’ totally seen dumb and wrong. I feel that she is one of those artists who is totally less appreciated and being judged too easily which is totally unfair. Behind her over-dramatic clothing or no clothing at all; she is a great artist who never fails to draw a big picture of drama and surprise in every of her songs. Not only she has a beautiful voice, she can sing live really perfectly. She made me say, “Damn, I wanna go to her live performances!!!” and you don’t see many of those kinds of artist which really are filled with raging talents and creativity. Although, her message is “To Be Yourself” clearly tells that her audience are the people who are. . You know~ But that’s not my point. You might be wondering why that I like her songs so much; it’s not even categorized as Rock? Well, to tell you the truth, Lady Gaga’s songs totally have dawned to me that I can’t always feel unhappy and listening to songs with painful meanings of life or love and such. I deserve an alternative which should also makes me feel good and that I have found in her songs. The meanings of her songs are yet for me to decode, because it’s filled with too much music and maybe too much of hidden words. I feel more alive the first time I heard poker face and it is until now my favourite song. Ignoring the controversial lines the lyrics of poker face, it is really an emotional song if you heard it in the acoustic version. Don’t take away my chance to feel good, it is the first time I value how much of pop or R&B or dance songs could actually make a bit difference in my life. Another artist who makes feel good songs about teenage love and such is Justin Bieber. I bet you are probably wondering if I am gonna mention him or not. Haha, well yes I have to. See the headline above, it is from his song called ‘up’. I wonder why this song hasn’t reached its popularity yet. It is the only song that I favour the most because it totally has a few meanings in it. I actually love his songs, because it does have that cool-happy-lovey-dovey theme going on and that is why I have his album downloaded. It was worth it. Overall, anything that is not a rock song that I am hearing, are the songs that I also love because it has meaning and it is because it makes me happy and sets my mood of being happy. If you hate the artists that I mentioned, then don’t go telling me that they aren’t good and I have bad taste of music because I won’t listen to you, as I pity you of how much you have missed out. LISTEN TO THEIR SONGS FIRST! Then you’ll judge, okay? =)

“Keep an open mind like I do because you won’t be sure that everything would turn out to be the way you would think; It will always turn out be different and therefore you have to prepare to be different.” - Me

You find freedom in music, you find love in music as well; music can be anything and it is up to us to shape what it is for and the meaning that it should venture. In my case, the most private things that I never discuss with anyone are perfectly hidden in the meanings of songs that I listen to. It is the perfect way to express myself or to at least disappear from the real world and let the music drive myself away from reality. It is where I find peace in most chaotic times and it would always be my saviour of many times I felt suicidal. I have chosen a path that clearly blocks away my real feelings, but somehow I always wish how I would someday be able to break free from it. I am always a stranger with conscience of several identities or should you say alter egos. I am not bi polar or having a problem with my personality. It’s just that, at this time of age, I realize that it is important to finally begin to be “A Someone” or an individual. I haven’t managed to be one because I don’t really know who I am exactly. I am hoping that someday I will and that someday should come sooner.

And this comes to my point. Why rock songs and why it is my favourite? Firstly Paramore’s songs are technically my Bible. They are story tellers which most rockers actually do. They have powerful life-guiding songs which most people failed to realize, I think. I am somehow touched of how their songs are useful and sometimes it does tells stories about our own lives and I guess, that is how it connects to us; by letting us feel that they are actually writing and singing about the feelings of other people interconnected with the same experience. I don’t have to tell you how it is connected to me because I can’t really explain how. Most of their songs, talks mostly about lives, love and heartbreak which is a good mix of feelings and sometimes it is appropriate mostly on flexible times and mood. It doesn’t set the mood of me being sad sometimes, when I hear decode for example, so that’s why it’s flexible. But some other rock bands which I listen to, do tend to make me fly away in my sadness. Which is totally bad and therefore to balance it up, I tend to hear other genres too. I love paramore, red jumpsuit apparatus, kings of leon, secondhand serenade, tokio hotel, eyes set to kill, fireflight, flyleaf, the rasmus, MCR, mayday parade, All time Low, 30 Seconds To Mars, Avenged Sevenfold, Daughtry, Bring me the Horizon, Bullet for my Valentine, friendly fires, Goo Goo Dolls, I am Ghost, kasabian, the killers, Maroon 5, matchbox 20, McFly, Muse, Nickelback, Boys like Girls, Green Day, Placebo and so much more. I also listen to Christian Rock bands, I know I am not suppose to but they have good songs with meanings too like Disciple, Dead poetic, Falling up, Kids in the way and so much more. You see? I know deep down I am a Rockstar but sometimes I can’t handle the pressure and emotions so I seek other genres to make me at least fake a smile. Rock songs by the bands that I have listed above are my favourites! They carry so much meaning of poetry and anything that can be interrelated. And that is why the most personal things that I have lies in between the lyrics of the songs I listen to because it really shows how I feel. Sad and unsatisfied of who I am.

I am sorry I couldn’t be truthful because that is not how I play. I only express my inner feelings to the songs that I hear or sing. I don’t normally talk about anything when we meet and it is hard to pass through me. No one can read the inner me because there isn’t a key to unlock it. I am complicated and I will keep on being one until I have found myself. It’s no point on making a conversation with me really because; everything will end up being too random and will end up being a joke. Fake and yeah, fake. It’s easy to be the main character of my life, just be superficial, fake a good laugh, show up a great set of teeth and fake a smile. No one reads you r face when you put a smile. I am so good at it really. The nearest personal things you can get from me are of course carved in this blog. I am such a good ‘typer’ but not a good actor in real life. I am lacking me. And somehow I am beginning to think that I should just die and fade away.

“My name is Afiq and I love Paramore. Yes sometimes I love Lady Gaga. BUT Not Justin Bieber, only his songs though. I now also love Chery (Cole). You now learn that to really know more about me, you have to listen to what I listen to, which is why I share what I listen to. If you fail to realize that I am always faking, then you are just too ignorant. I keep most of my private thoughts in songs that I listen to, and that is how I connect. No I am not ALWAYS sad, because I have songs that can make me happy“

“Music is my therapy and sets my mood differently” - yours truly

-Afiq-

Missing moments

2010-04-03T14:36:00.000+01:00

If I compare the wicked moments I had before, I would have not come with the exact details. I am forgetful sometimes, although some moments are really there carved in my system forever. And what I meant by carved, is that some memories are just too painful to forget about. Some memories are just filled with anger and unforgiving which is totally understandable if you ask me. Humans are beings with both wisdom and intuition. If my intuition says that its okay while my wisdom interrupts and say the other way. . .hmm. . .everything doesn't add up well, instead the only way to put up with it is just to pretend and to deny with every truth there is thus forcefully forgetting things, but in reality, it's there. The next time when someone ask me about the wicked memories that I had so far, well, just say you understand why. . .I cannot come up with any. And actually, as we are in the conversation, the bad memories flashes back so fast that everything is so crystal clear but at the same I would feel speechless and listless. The burden it takes me to fit it in a rucksack and bringing it everywhere is just as painful as it is to reminisce about it. I wish I have the ability to forget the things I want to forget and to remember things that I want to remember. But life is unfair, it only brings whatever that fate has written for us.

Snap snap! reality check. I am still human, gladly to believe that I am changing to an owl, I am still having the worst night ever; having the final stage of insomnia, I am gaining weight like hell! I am very wishful but effort ZERO! I am studying well, and a bit more focused than the last few weeks and I am very lonely. I hate to say this, my life couldn't get any worst! I just hate the way things are! in my case everything falls on the wrong place at the wrong time. I am feeling a bit school-sick if you ask me. I miss my friends, I miss the places I used to hang out with them at school, the canteen table beside the pond at the middle of the canteen area; I miss the food, the people, the amazing juniors, anime club, teachers, textbook and so much more. I even miss the clinical smell of the chemistry lab, and the coldness of physics lab too. I miss the way things were, and overall I miss my high-school life. They say, high school never ends. hmm. Very wide-opinionated and my opinion to this day is that . . .that phrase is such full of crap! at least in this part of the world, when high school ends. . . .it ends forever! Well, I know for some other countries, love and relationships from high school will haunt them till the end of their lives. It's funny how things are now. People don't interact with their people that actively anymore. They are now independent or should I say selfish? Well, that's how I feel. Even with the latest technology nowadays, I am losing contacts with everyone and sooner or later everyone will feel the same way. I am very afraid, to be forgotten or to be remembered of being a bad person or being remembered for something awfully embarrassing. Is this a chapter where I am suppose to move on and find new friends and remain in contact with my closest friends? I just feel so lost whenever I think of the people who I used to be in the same class with, although we're not close, but we used to interact to some extent that we almost knew each other perfectly. And now, they only hang out with their own closest circle and treating me like a total stranger. I hate how everything is changing and revealing the truest and most possibly I had to live with it. It's not even worth sharing as it is even not worth realizing.

My day started with a relaxing moment, and I was as calm as I had never had the chance to be. I wasn't even bothered to think of anything that is to do with my studies. Although after a few hours, I realized I had warmed up and is ready to hit the notes and do a bit of my homework. I took a break and tune in to AXN, spiderman 2 was on~ so I decided to watch the movie since I had already forgotten what the movie was about, and so I watched it till the end. It was really an awesome movie and I truly believed that I also believe it back then, when the movie was in the cinemas, and as I could remember that I had watched all Spiderman movies in cinemas~ I wonder what and when the next movie gonna be~ A simple review is that, after the first movie, an introduction of a new villain which also features of how the villain gets to be a villain, which is due to malfunctioning of AI machine and other stuff, is kinda interesting. And the rest of the movie is fair and overall, it's watchable.

At night I went to my relatives' malam berbedak~ I regretted putting on a black overall, all balck cara melayu because it was a mosquito attractor. But thank god, no mosquito bites but it was sure a rough hot night. The food's great, always were because it's Kampung Masin, we have plenty of BEEF and CHICKEN to cook! my dad helped with the cooking so that;s why everything was fairly delicious. Considering, beef was the main menu of the night~ Although, it was a bit boring, no one to talk to, no relatives that I am okay with. So yeah, boring. I guess, that ends today's adventure. SO BITCHES! are you reading my blog yet? You have to! You are missing all the juicy stuffs!

" I wish we could just skip all the awkward moments and be together like we were meant to be together, but no, this is reality, everything has to be awkward! right?" - Seraphic

Onion rings

2010-04-02T16:45:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was April's fool and thank god I had no one to prank me! no one who is brave enough to do so that is! hehe. But deviantart did try and fooled every deviants by changing our avatars in to teams of twilight characters and Lady Gaga! I wanted to be in Gaga's team but I was put into Team Seeker which umm, I totally don't have a fucking idea of what a seeker means??!! It's as if they know what we don't like and what we like! LOL~

I found myself reading through blogs early in the morning which I am actually supposed to be doing preparations for my physics tuition class, yet it is quite amusing to find that there a lot of online shopping-Bruneian blogs which mostly sells cosmetic products, contact lenses and etc. One of my very favourite is the Enchantedlens blog. Link: http://enchanted-lens.blogspot.com/. I highly recommend buying their contact lenses which are mostly the Geo lens, a very popular lens in Korea which makes our eyes larger and more natural than other lenses could~ I actually tried ordering a pair of contact lens, the Geo Angel Blue weeks ago, and it is really satisfying because, firstly they have delivery services and it is totally free if you are living in Brunei and Muara, they are very friendly and can be contacted through their mobile number and also their email address. The prices are considerably very cheap compare to the lenses which are pre-ordered. And all items which are presently selling now, are in-stock items. Okay, enough with the free advertisement~ hehe.

My day actually started with a very heavy breakfast considering that I had to skip lunch due to my tuition class. Dad really cooked up something really delicious which are his special Nasi Goreng Corn-beef and also Mee Mamak! and I can't bear to eat another plate of the fried rice as I had to fit in the noodles too! and Me and my mother also made Walnut bread and Banana cheese sandwich! and It was my idea to put banana in it! it was so damn Delicious! huhu! I rushed upstairs to get ready for the Friday prayers and also packed up for Physics Tuition too! and I was again as usual fighting with my conscience about choosing the right outfit for tuition!

*forward* Anyways, my physics tuition was really an adventure considering that I had to memorize every single laws and definitions of half of the topics for A2 on the spot, because Sir decided to orally ask me for every definitions that I could memorize in one hour! and I did! I memorized and I was able to answer his questions! which is quite amazing and I felt quite ecstatic after that! But my homework was again, to memorize all the definitions and laws of the other half of the topics of A2 and all definitions and laws of AS too~ and he'll ask everything next week! Gosh! I know~ I know it's for my own good! and guess what! I am progressing really well! After the class finishes, I rushed down to see whether my dad had come to pick me up or he's late as usual~ but then I remembered he did say that he'll be late because there's a function going on in the village, kinda my nephew's nikah or something~ I know right. . .my nephew? @_@ I feel so old yet it did comfort me to know I had an older nephew which I had never in my live speak with or seen!

So I had to wait. After a while, Ahmad a classmate of mine, in my physics tuition class said that he need to call his parents (knowing that he left his mobile phone) or at least use my phone to do that, but unfortunately, my phone's credit has expired so I had to find a shop which sells B.mobile credits. Thank god, with the help of Ahmad, he had found out that the nearby restaurant sells b.mobile credit. I bought the ten dollars credit and immediately I let Ahmad use my phone to contact his parents. I sat at the table outside of the restaurant and ordered for Teh Tarik and Onion rings! I love the onion rings there, really tasty~ So we chatted a bit and then, his parents came and immediately he insisted that it's his treat and I had to agree~ I was really thankful~ wheee~ After an hour of waiting for my parents to come, there was still no sign of them, and when I was about to text them again, blergh! they came~ ~ I know, they are so late~ =/

My sister was also inside the car and I assumed that they all went for the Nikah, still wearing their Baju kurung and Melayu outfit~ My sister insisted on going to Hua Ho mall Tanjung Bunut to buy some of her groceries. So we did. I paired with my sister helping her to find whatever she needed while my parents, strolled the 2nd floor. We went back home after a few hours of buying surprisingly random stuff like pillow covers and cushion @_@ lol~ and of course food!

Dinner was also surprisingly leftovers and I didn't mind at all because I wasn't really that hungry to begin with. what completes my night today was that Jawbreaker, the 90s Chick flick-dark comedy which is my favourite, was on TV! I love the drama and the story line of this movie and at the same time it shows how mean girls were in high school! It also shows a beautiful twist of how transformation of a person could be used as a trade for lying and keeping a secret! I recommend you all to watch this movie as it is totally worth it! I love the ending =)

See how interesting the name of the movie is? jawbreaker? watch the movie to find out why. Such pranks are DEATHLY! A perfect movie for April's Fool =)

Well, this is the official ending of today's adventure. Until then. don't stalk me or you'll die! =) because that's how it is in my world? Read my blog or you die to! funny how everything is so complicated right? hmmm. . .mmmhhh!

"Being kind to someone kind and letting yourself caught in his/her love while your not, but you are together, is the worst bad deed I have ever seen in my life! BE TRUTHFUL ASSHOLE!! the truth doesn't hurt! trust me! Sooner or later he/she will find out on their own! and do you want that to happen BITCH? no right? so SAY THAT you don't LOVE him/her! Being kind is not being IN LOVE! get it BITCH? just giving you a friendly advise here, as your friend~ =)"- Seraphic

I feel guilty =(

2010-04-01T16:34:00.002+01:00

First things first. It's 1st April 2010! yes people! how long has it been since I left some poop here? hmm. . .almost 3 months out of date! I feel parts of my memories missing in my head, especially how lengthy it is, three months were, and not to mention 3 months of juicy updateful-blistering adventures, break downs, outings, birthdays and etc. No! don't you ever say I am abandoning this blog-phase in life! no I am not going to! and besides, what the hell I am doing right now Bitch? I am writing a.k.a typing away my feelings. I am on the edge of saying 'I can't do this anymore' again. But what the hell, 'I can't do this anymore' phrase is so overrated so I might just say it over and over again just to make your fag-life out of shit! but whatever it is, I am hanging on the other back door which, in this case all doors except this one is open! what the fuck right?

Whining all the way~ if you understand, just nod and say, "He's good, and I am confused". I have been illiberally a bit far-fetched about everything since I have been living life the so-called hardest. Sometimes my day starts when the sun is fully on the middle of the sky scorching hot like fever, but not to mention this hopeless drama of mine, of having constant insomnia and bedless-nights. What is more to be miserable about when I have everything miserable like a catered buffet, just ready to be taken. Out of this life into a new I must, but how? I don't know!!!. I am re-doing what should be done once and I am doing it for the sake of that phrase before this. I am just so fucked-up of everything that needs brain-power! I am just so angry that I have to do the same thing all over again but this time, I haven't pushed my ass to go to the fucking place called school. I am at home, all alone doing whatever needs doing. I must not complain for karma-sake. I believe I have the odds to actually ace this one. I am better and just because I can't do some!!! I feel overly stressed-out about it and unusually might be the right word to add there. So Sick of seeing these scraps of papers that will feed my neurons and make me a lil' bit smarter everyday. That's the drama people if you have the fucking feelings and understanding of this fucking ramblings of my fucking life and I might just add, am I alone? or do I have a fucking friend who shares the same boat as I am? regardless of whatever envy you have. I am fucking stressed but at the same time, just plain lazy to do everything. And realizing that the day of 'the judgement-day' is coming closer as I type, makes me wanna fork my brains out so it can do its work on it's own! AAAAAH! you know what I mean right?

BUT what makes me even more fucked up! Is that some people are just plain stingy on sharing information and wisdom! I know it's all about the competition, but hey? stop being a dick and realize that you are all alone! help is needed and don't you ever deny that~ I don't want to lecture about 'we're all in this together!" that's just so plain corny~ but hey! being such a rat won't lead you nowhere! Some are still an ASS at this state giving me the game face on! that doesn't mean I haven't! I know I am uptight and always am the second one to respond! but I do have limits~ and what the fuck are you trying to pull there? but as I have mentioned 'some'! but the other some, has been helping me a lot~ people who I care about that is~ never to disappoint me whenever I said I need help~ I am so grateful to be friends with them and it shows how they really care about me~ so I have people counting on me on this, to ace this. Like seriously~ and so I must deal with what I have now and leave the shit to a shit-hole and dug up a new one so I could climb out of my way from being claustrophobic! I must say, this is a weird experience because it's just a shaky ride filled with everything! a drama~a soap opera if you might add! a big one and never-ending!

2010 is so blanked for me, and I feel that my January, February and March are all fitted to one fucking time-capsule and is lost forever in a black-ass-hole! and never to be found again! I had the worst and the best mixed with stress in all 3 months of 2010! might be the worst year ever! Decisions decisions and decisions! and thank god~ I have been doing so well right now except a few things which can be dealt by getting wasted. But to bad~ being wasted is not something I could do now! I am starting to feel that if I whine my way into writing or typing into this blog (like hell nobody reads it anyways, 'cause Riku's blog is so much better right??) I would feel better as it release whatever feud that is going on in my head right now! it's just that~ I can't find anyone to comfort me anyhow~ everything is changing in ways so many! to begin with, socializing is very hard because of this never ending stinkingly-stuck at my own home to which some said sanctuary but NO! I find paradise impossible to find to begin with~ not to mention my own home is just filled with meaningless hours of wasting time. But truly I believe everything is becoming weirder and weirder by a second! some of my friends I still, make contacts with them but some are just too busy with their own JOBLESS life~ BUT WHO AM I TO COMPLAIN RIGHT???? I AM ALSO THE SAME RIGHT??? NOOO BITCH~ You are completely wrong about that! I have a big exam to face! and you? you are just ready to becoming a PUPA! get that bitch? PUPA? haha. no? fine. don't!

I might be crazy! but whoever and whatever I am angry at might be too general! might be YOU you and u! get it? I am always angry anyways.

I started going to tuition classes for every subject that I am taking since last month, and the teachers that I am dealing with are okay to me! but sometimes, I feel lost as they are not making sense at all. But sometimes I feel I am on the right track! and as I could recall, at this one week; The whole week was a total disaster! I was floating away from reality and began indulging myself with excessive pointless movies and songs! which then letting me to say "Maybe, I should give love a try?" what the fuck is wrong with me???? and this one night of tuition! there is this girl, kinda my classmate but she's in a different level! everyone is in a different level to me!!! because I am high-school grad and she's a uppersixer and she finds me. . .um rather not different from herself! And I kinda have this school-boy crush all over again! can't stop staring at her (I am sitting at the back of her). At that night, she kindly offered to update me with the exam stuff like the timetable and the statement of entry~ and she did! but I have to admit that I am lying to her about I didn't know when the timetable's gonna be distributed~ hehe, and it was really kind of her to actually brought her timetable with her and showed it to me, But I had to say that I already have one~ Well it might be just a little crush but yes I am in denial for a second there! haha. It's just maybe the stress taking over, you know? everything's a hot mess mixed with love, hate, like, crush, dying! and so much more all at once! Yeah, stress! But I will update about the girl soon if anything lovey dovey happens~ don't worry~ you'll get the snitch~

I had this conversation with a friend of mine, about love and crush stuff. Maybe that triggered me into thinking that love can cure every pain and misery all in one direction! it's just that, I could be a bit envious about people's love lives too, about how 'happy' they are! I had my heart broken once and it's a bit silly to think that I can't have crushes after that! it really is silly =/ I have to say, I have to give it a try right? even though deep down my heart's hot and cold at the same time!

The conclusion to all of this shit! at first note I felt a very negative tone~ and I want to wrap it up by saying~ "I AM BACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! APRIL SHALL BE MY BLOGNESS MONTH!!! FEEL FREE TO READ IT BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH YOU BITCH!" with all respects, I like to use swearing as a daily thing in my blog. FREEDOM OF SPEECH? maybe? haha. who knows~ Okay okay~ goodbye fellow readers~

Sushi~

2009-12-10T15:08:00.000Z

The tempura Ice cream thing

Yay~ thank you to my awesome sister for treating me escapade sushi~ What's more awesome was that we got the 'room' for ourselves, there were 5 of us only~ Hehe~ My sis brought Mimi and Jiah to our little outing to make it more merrier~ After we ate, we spun around Gadong and hit the mall pretty hard as most shops were about to close. Sigh~ it was around 10 plus PM so yeah~ hehe.

GIANT and Tandoor

2009-12-07T15:59:00.001Z

Hey people of the world, I shall embrace the good energy that somehow had let me feel so free and happy. I feel so calm in the morning and it is to my knowledge that today was going to be a great day. And it did.

I got one word for you if you were wondering what special plans I had for the afternoon, GIANT. Yes people, GIANT. =) I am so deprived if you were wondering why it is my first time coming to this place where they call GIANT. Well, first time in Brunei that is. It's situated in Rimba which is quite far from my crib, and I was too ignorant back then. . .plus I have nothing to buy there, I mean. . .I could survive with Hua ho only and still~

I don't know exactly, why was I that excited about coming to the place the minute my dad said, he needs to update the groceries. .but then again, why GIANT? he can do that at Hua Ho. . .and when I asked that, he answered: "You never did step foot onto GIANT grounds right? so this is gonna be your first time?". . awwwww. . .he was concerned. . .thank you daddy~ love you.

Yes people, my first time. I am easily amused, so the minute when our car parked at the inner section of the middle row of the parking lot, I was really mesmerized by how big GIANT was and how the name really suits the place. And I know how crowded that place could be, and I even heard that it is a gathering for those 'Rimba Poklens'. . .umm, sorry.. . .I can't help it~ hehe. . .but that wasn't really something that could bother me though, I mean. . .that's obviously obvious. . .haha. AND YES. . .it is true because I saw with my own two eyes, it's like invading their nests! It's like seeing Dj Izan everywhere. . .wow. . .Oops! Nevertheless, I still Love GIANT no matter what~

Anyways~ Yes yes, basically it's mostly me seeing a whole new world. . .and we sure did do a lot of shopping there, we even planned for a whole week of breakfast ingredients should be bought, and yeah~ Oooo, my mum and me, bought ice cream, there's this red bean and durian flavour, kinda her favourite ice-cream now. . .but mine was always. . .chocovanilla MOOOOOOOOO! =)

So it's time for dinner. And my brother suggested that we should just go to Toriean (sp?) . . .we went there, and it looks full. . . .but we had another choice in mind. . .which is Tandoor. . opposite Toriean cafe, the back building. . . .It's an elegant High standard Indian food restaurant like Le Taj but better~ Dinner there was totally awesome! they used this copper pots which was really amazing! for our Nasi Briyani and Tika Massala! The decorations for the restaurant was pretty awesome, they got this aquarium dividers and wall paintings, Indian crafts and etc.

Here's some pictures =)

Teh Tarik India =)

The copper pots~ interesting right?

appetizers and awesomely nyummy

the Indian-like chandelier

The amazing containers of spices

The beautiful aquarium

eating the appetizers

Me and my bro~

The Background~

"Today, I discover a whole new world"

PS- Sending UCAS

2009-12-05T15:28:00.000Z

I said to my dad. "I have to use your credit card"

and he said, "which one?"

I was like. . ."YOU have a lot??"

but he just replied . . ."Here. . .*giving the HSBC one* . . .you can use that one"

and I was like . . ."Aren't you gonna ask me . .What for?"

He looked at me with an annoyed face and said . . ."It's for your UCAS right?"

An I was totally devastated that he knew. SIGH

I forgot. . .I told him earlier. .HAHA!

I have done quick mends with my personal statement and it looks perfectly fine with all the mends and trying to make it shorter with the help of Ziqah, Zati, Ani and Riku. And so. . .I sent my UCAS application. . .BUT I still have to wait for my referee which our career guidance, to do my reference. . .which. . .totally bothers me because. . .she is now. . .taking her FULL month vacation. SIGH. BUT I won't just sit around and wait. . .I am willing to email her for HELP~

Wheeeee~

"I will keep in mind that If I ever need help. . . .I could seek help from them. . .because they are . . .the BEST"

Makan 40 hari

2009-12-04T15:49:00.000Z

May he rest in Peace, our beloved Uncle Haji Abdullah Bin Haji Sahari

40 days in counting, a marked day for remembering him, being the most awesome uncle he had always been. Helping each one of his nephews and nieces. I can only donate him my 'al-fatihah' as it is sincerely for him.

For his remembrance, families from all sides of the family tree came to his house to read the 'doa Selamat and Tahlil' and we also prayed the Asar prayers together. I devoted myself into helping with the self-catered service done by the wife of my late uncle; helping with preparing the food and also giving out the souvenirs which is the Yassin~

It was a bittersweet time as I get to catch up stories with some of my cousins who I only see once a year. .most of the time. And later that evening, we all helped out rearranging the tables, camp and chairs and the cleaning too.

Owh yeahh. . .Fifah was there. The cute girl in my Anime club, and she's super super talented. And yeahh. . .the reason why she is there. . .I guess, we are now kinda related and I am kinda her uncle. . .which is totally weird~ LOL =)

"You will always be remembered, as you touch people's heart way deeper than others could. You were an amazing Uncle"

New Moon~

2009-12-03T15:59:00.005Z

New moon!!! yay~ for DECEMBER!

Okay, since my brother is going out with his friends to buy a birthday present for his bestfriend and I don't want to stay at home. . .I decided to go with him except, I planned to go with some one else (separate) hehe~ last night~ I had a good random chat with my lil Sista keyyy (just imagine) through MSN~ well, she is always random and so . . .In a way, we decided to meet today at around afternoon to go KBOX-ING~ well. . .that's just it. . . .planning through a simple chat. AND then, somehow. . .early this morning. . .I kinda realized that we missed out something really important. . .WHERE? WHEN ?? AND HOW?? OMAIGAD! I don't really know exactly what the meaning of 'afternoon' is. . .I guesss, she thought it was 12 PM where I thought it should be after 12 PM . . .sigh~ Do you know what's worst? I DIDN'T KNOW HER FUCKING MOBILE NUMBER!?!?! okay. . .prolly we didn't chat it through very well because most of the stuff we chatted about is some random nonsense small talk~ and we completely ignored the important stuffs . . . MUST KEEP in mind! never do this again~

Hmm, lets start from the part where I woke up very late! HAHA! yes people! I woke up really late at around 1.00 PM. . . .my brother worst! 20 minutes after me! okay~ and then I rushed to get ready, putting on my best clothes and blah blah! and when I came down. . .@_@. . .my brother wasn't even ready yet. . .he was eating LUNCH! omaigad~ I asked him. . ."what part of afternoon don't you understand? I thought you said your friends are going at around 12?" and he said. . ."ummm, yeahh" . . .not helping lah~ okay at around 2.00PM we went to the mall. .FAST! and he started explaining to me that we should go watch movies in the empire cinema tonight and so my parents agreed to that~ I just nodded~ and in the car. . .I was getting worried . . .because, I told Keyy that I would go KBOXING with her at around afternoon. . .which is . .umm. . .yeahh. . .and I don't really have her phone number and all! so I text Mai for her number and thank god she replied quick. .if not. . .it would make things worst. . .okay at around 2.30 PM we reached the Mall ~ my brother then ONLY started to TEXT his friends. . .and soon. . .he got a reply saying that his friends ARE like done with their Birthday present hunting! =_=" okay. . .which means, I am stuck with him. . .babysitting him and I HAD TO help him search for whatever birthday present~ =S well. . .I text Keyy since I knew then. . .her phone number. . .and so she replied. . ."meet me at ego" . . . .@_@ WHAT THE HELLLL!!!!! there are THREE freaking EGO BRANCHES IN THE MALL AND she HAD TO just SAY that???? urghhh! so I decided to roam around the THREE branches AND WHATDAYANOE! IRONICALLY the LAST branch we visited which is near the main entrance . . . .I finally FOUND HER . . .wearing HER SO TYPICAL and PREDICTABLE PINK OUTFIT! Couldn't she just say. . ."meet me near the grand entrance" ???? hmmmm. . . .@_@

And yeahhh. . .she blah blah said I SUCK at planning but. . .she SUCK too~ too bad that she had to go home at that time~ sigh~ BUT!! she said she might come back and watch a movie again at around 5 ish. . .and she said. . .then~ we could have that KBOXING done~ I am looking forward for the KBOXING actually SO I agreed to meet her later if she came at 5ish PM ~ and soooooo. . .my brother and I began our search for presents. . .with his budget around $30~ First store we went was the one near Winmark. . .I forgot its name @_@ . . .and they have really wonderful gifts. . .like teddy bears, pen, candles but since my brother is really looking something meaningful to give. . .he decided to survey first~

Okay, next store was the one on the first floor? okay. . .soorrryy. . .I don't really pay attention to the names of store. . .but I know where they are in the mall~ hehe. . .I hate this store though. . .the salesperson is hovering around with us like a magnet trying to suck out money from our wallets by explaining their items one by one and assuming that my brother was trying to find a present for his girlfriend . . .@_@ . .what the hell. . .we can't even say anything because 'she' was too damn talkative and it's driving us nuts!. . . .and pleaaaaseee lah! expensive stuffs?? that's the BEST damn thing you got to offer??? aiya! with that tactic . .business NO maju ONE! @_@ I was really irritated and so. . .I asked my brother to find another store~ and so we left! phewh!

Next stop, was the store in JAYA hypermart the Euro classic? I love that store~ =) there's a lot and a lot presents and stuff. . .but of course. . .a bit pricy but stilly okay I guess~ we spent hours there searching for the right one WITHOUT hovering NOSY salesperson sticking with us~ and so we took time to eliminate the stuffs that my brother would not like to give his bestfriend~ apparently there are two sides of the store. . .we went on the left side first~ and there were a lot of stuff but. .it was just too alot and there's a lot toys to be exact. . .and so we moved on to the next side of the store. . .we were tired of using our minds to make decision. . .so we asked the friendly salesperson to help us ~ she suggested candles~ and Owh Gosh! I couldn't express why she suggested that and why we agreed on it . . .Because if you see their candles. . .it just makes you wanna cry of happiness! because they have sooooo many amazing and beautiful candles with good price too. . .which is within the my brother's budget~ and so he picked a white candle with a silver strap and candle plate which totally matches~ the salesperson set the candle in a very nice hamper and it all looks perfect~ but sigh~ the whole present hunting thing just reminds me of how much presents I am missing, I don't usually get a lot~ sigh~ hahah. . .and my bday is coming soon~ and I hope I will have a lot of presents for that birthday~ =)

The next thing he needs to buy was a birthday card and a paper bag to cover the whole thing~ and so we went straight to the card section in Jaya Hypermart~ I helped him to pick the best birthday card with good words and designs~ and so we found that is simple and nice~ after the card shopping~ Keyy texted me to meet her at EGO~ and it was five~ so we rushed back to the mall and meet her~

FINALLY! KBOXING with HER~ phewh~ you know~ she has this amazing voice! really amazing~ Keyyy is really talented !!! she can sing maaan! she sang a song from Siti Nurhaliza, bukan cinta biasa is it? and when she started singing . . .I saw a different side of her~ almost like an angel singing a harmonious song so perfect and I couldn't dare to butt in her singing! it was a 10 out of ten! She hits all the high notes of that hard song~ and at that time. . .I realized I really am regretting on missing her talent-time performance~ maaaaan! I wish her best with that talent of hers =) okay~ we sang a few other songs . . .and with us singing. . .ummm. . yeahhhh. . .like some guy drunk ~ but at least we had fun~ especially picking the songs. . and all the songs are like so old. . .and we accidentally picked whitney's song~ and worst it was a disco version of it!!!! maaaan! LOL~ that was funny yet we just get on with singing~ after that we head straight to the GAMES! after that~ we went down for GELATO! apparently Keyy has a fetish for icecream which are sour~ LOL~ I find that weird~ and me the usuals. . .chocolate!

After that! we totally forgot about Empire!! my gawd! my brother invited Keyy to tag along with us to watch New moon together with us~ and so she agreed! we reached Empire at around 8~ we were frickin hungry so we bought pop-mee and Ruffles at the FRICKING EXPENSIVE EMPIRE FOOD STALL. Our sister called and she said she wanted to tag along with us too. . .to watch New Mooon~ but she had to come late because she wasn't ready yet~ so we took the 9.30 PM movie~ and when she came ~ we all went in the cinema~ and then New Moon~

Okay, One I hate Empire's Cinema~ seats uncomfy, un-numbered and place IS TOOOOOO DAMN COLD! and I forgot to bring my jacket! damn! I was clattering my teeth the whole time~ LIKE SERIOUSLY! it totally ruined my mood~ and TWO! NEW MOOON is STOOOOOPID~ I hate it~ It's too disturbing~ plus It's toooooo long~ we finished at around 11-ish near twelve I think~ Finally, after a very adventurous LOOOOONG day we sent Keyy home. . .far at Sungai Tilong~ =) what a night and day~

Here's some awesome pictures~

at Empire, I was tired~ with sis~

With Sisters~~~~

My lil and big sis~

me at Gelato~ lol

key, me brother and me~

us singers!

yeahh~ we can sing~ we are damn good singers~ HAHA

I love KBOX-ing~ wanna go out with me? KBOX first lah ah~

"I hope moments like this will last for ever. . .but that's only a figure of speech. . .it wouldn't mean anything if you don't actually try to put it somewhere you can read it again and again or see it again and again"

Photoshoot!

2009-12-02T14:27:00.000Z

I had to really wake up early. . .and force my parents to wake up early too. . .if not, I am gonna miss the second photo-shoot. . .and thank god! they didn't cook anything for breakfast because. . .that may take a while. . .umm, more than a while. . .

Arrived school at around 8 ish~ and there are still alot of people. . .I asked my dad to just wait for me at the back-parking area. . .because. . .I don't think taking pictures were gonna take a lot of my time~ so yeahhh. . .I met Riku and the others. Nurun and Pong took two my pictures from the red and blue area~ LOL ! and I had to do a freestyle pose which . . .err, I did it by just doing the retro hip hop arms fold~ or whatever~

Lunch was ideal~ I love the garlic rice~ I guess today was just a boring day. . . .not so many great things happening~ LOL!

Change~

2009-12-01T13:09:00.000Z

I was suppose to go to school today to do a photoshoot for the magazine, photoshoot you might ask. . . what for? well it's because I am fabulous and awesome, that they want a picture of me in the magazine for the graduation! No lah!!!! I am bluffing! Everyone must have their pictures taken for the graduation magazine. I heard the magazine will be awesome! and of course it will! because, as far as I know, amazing people are working on it! Riku, Nisah, my Mudgie~ and so much more.

Anyways, I woke up really late, at around 9 AM I think. First thing I did, I text Riku whether I am damn late or not~ well, she said that the Photoshoot hasn't started yet ~ ooh Thank god! After taking a bath, getting ready. .I went downstairs and found out that my parents were not around! okay, my dad went down after me panicking and he said to me that he had to cook breakfast first, then I asked. . .what's for breakfast? he said. . .mac and Cheese! and I was like . .GASP!! . . .I asked him again, whether can the breakfast wait?? I am like so late oredi maaan!? . . . .he didn't say anything. .and went straight to the wet kitchen and started cooking! Owh goshh. . .okay after umm. . .half an hour, he finished cooking but it was like oredi late . . .at around 10ish. . .so I had to text Riku again. . .and riku replied, that the photoshoot had already finished and so I asked whether I should just come for the next photoshoot, which is tomorrow. . .and I guess no reply means it is a yes. .and thank God the photoshoot has two session!!! . . . .so sad that I can't make it today though and get it over with. . .My mum asked me whether I should just go change and follow them do some grocery shopping. She also suggested that I should cut my bushy hair! so. . .yeahhh I agreed. .and followed them~

After a while, in the mall. . .my parents dragged me to the carpet shop helping them to choose the right carpet. . .I guess they don't really trust their taste~ haha. . anyways. . .I didn't manage to find good ones so we all decided to leave the shop and survey others. My dad shooooed me away to do my haircaut at the Essentials Hair spa! So yeahh I did. . .I never have specific hair stylists to do my hair because I keep on going to different hair salons and hair stylist. .well, I like to try different style and I guess I haven't found the right hair stylist! so the minute I entered the salon, this guy popped out of nowhere and escorted me to their hair washing place and gave me a little hair spa and hair wash. . .and then he introduced himself. . .the boring stuff blah blah blah. . .and he have this weird funny name. . .which is the name of the island I am in. . .Borneo. . .and he began preaching about hairstyles . .hairstyles which I have done and I prolly know about. . .okayyy. . .my point is. . .yeahhh, I got a talkative one this time! anyways I wanted to do some layers . . .but he said he wanted to do a stylish kind of hair on me~ and so he did~~~ I kind of like it~ not the best, but it was a totally new look for me~ a hair style which prolly typical but I never had~ and it's like Rihanna's hair. .minus the length and the hair colour~ and so I was happy with my new haircut and I was happy to get special treatment on the hair spa and also a discount for being I don't know~ LOL! I am such a hair-whore!

Before cutting, I actually wanted to colour my hair blonde! seriously~ I really wanted to!!! I was really really determined but then. . . . . .all the stuff thinking of job interviews, confronting conservative parents and relatives and so much negative stuff ~ well. .I decided not to. . .or maybe next time~~~ =D

After a boring grocery shopping in the basement of the mall a.k.a Utama grand! we went to Aminah Arif Serusop for lunch!!! HELL YEAH . . . .AMBUYAT!!!!!!!!! my favourite!! it's been a long time!! and I am so happyyyy!!!!! =D =D

Geophysics

2009-11-26T04:26:00.000Z

I have no choice but to stick with geophysics as my course. I started doing my personal statement on the geophysics course with the help of Ami. I came to school actually, in the morning at around 8-ish. . .and I took the free time to do a bit of my personal statement in the library with Ami. She really did helped me a lot! thanks to her I get to do a head start on it~ and thanks to her . .I managed to at least finished my contents and conclusion. =D =D

My real intention on going to school today was to give/divide the money to the rest of the people who had helped with the cafe. Sadly, they were nowhere to be found, and it's just too bad. I guess I could give them next year, owh yeahh. . . .today was the last day of school actually. . and yeahh, nothing special though. Although I was suppose to attend the CCA closing at MD. . .but too bad non-MDians cannot come. . . .sigh~

A few days to December. My month.

Found something old, a quote I wrote, "I heart the world with fear in my mind. Fear of losing anything precious."

And because of this quote, I will forever. . .continue on to blog.

MS-Anime Fun-Fair

2009-11-25T12:32:00.001Z

It was a joyous chaotic moment of my life, I had a lot of things to handle and I was worried all the time. I was in charge of a cafe for crying out loud; being the Head Chef and what are the other ways to actually make my self feel confident about doing this, was by letting two of my closest buddies; Zati and Ziqah, business partners back in the cross country/graduation fund-raiser. I am relieved to see their enthusiasm in participating this Cosplay Cafe. If it's not because of them, I can never run the cafe. I set out my own budget with 45 Dollars and estimating about 30 dollars each from Zati and Ziqah and also a budget from the people who donated money. We bought all the stuff prior before the event, which is yesterday to be exact; estimating how much Milo we need, how much of this and other stuff we need for the business. I appointed Ziqah to handle all the money matters because that's her game and I guess she loves the experience, and Zati my Milkshake-making Buddy, is the most diligent and fastest amongst us all.

Not only that, Riku and Ami also had their share of making and selling sushi under our watch that is. .and they did a splendid job of customer attraction. And yes, not to forget. . the beautiful cosplayers which had helped us very much in waitressing and attracting customers, cleaning and so much more. According to the Menu that I had made, zati and me were in charge of making all the drinks and desserts, and I was also in charge of making the tuna toast with help, and Mai was in charge of making the Shepperd Pie and riku, ami was on the Sushis and Onigiri~ The main menu that was lusciously special was our chocolate Milkshake. .And yes. . .it was my recipe and it turned out heavenly~

Obviously, I didn't plan out everything that well. Everything turned so last-minute. The Menu which I wanted to do yester-night . .turned out that I didn't manage to finish and I had to bring it this morning so Fatin and Fifah colud get it done with their creativity and all. The chairs and Tables were nowhere to be found when I got to the cafe place at around 8.00 AM this morning, still not arranged. And the noticeboards are unavailable since other CCA ppl are using it. The time we started the cafe turned out to be damn early at about 10.00 AM. And MOVING chairs and tables are VERY tiring and very time consuming. We have lack of manpower all the strong-work. We didn't have power extensions so I have to sent someone to get extensions from the staffroom. . .The Big Sign that shows the Menu that I was supposed to work on was not finished (I overslept lastnight). The performers didn't say where they wanted to do their performance and I was quite worried because we didn't have lots of extensions. Since we didn't have a lot of advertisement, we had to do our sushis outside of the Science lab and our milkshakes tooo. The paintings and artworks or drawings that are suppose to be on the noticeboards are missing since we didn't have enough of the noticeboards. The cosplayers tend to think that they are suppose to waitress but in fact I only appointed FIVE cosplayers to the job.

In the action, I might have broken a few friendships with quite a few people because I kinda stressed out on them. . .screaming, scolding . . . .and sometime I didn't even manage to finish the orders that they wanted. . .some waited more than 30 minutes just to get their orders done. And some even seek me personally to talk to me whether I had their orders done but they kinda ran away mad after I scolded them to get out~ hmm. It was hell in the kitchen . .It really was. With Riku's absence in the first few hours of business also worries me because, not only she was suppose to finish cook her sushis, people had started to order her sushi from the start of her absence. The first three hours was the peak hours and we ran out of supplies really early, at about 12.00 PM and Ziqah and Zati had to buy more supplies. .and we closed down our cafe for a while, and reopened at around 1.00 PM . .I was dripping with sweat and whip cream all over me. .it was a really sticky situation. We did have a few problems earlier though. . .Zati accidentally left her Milo in her driver's car and it wasn't really a big problem since she can call someone to buy her a new one, fast~. Thank god for that~

Apart from the cafe, I was also in charge of taking care of the performers, And I am glad to have brought Froggy over back to MS so she can sing~ because maaan! she can sing~ =) Although I really feel guilty because I promised her a milkshake, but it was already late and the annoying teacher who claims that she in-charge of all of us . . . .came and interrupt our kitchen and asked us to start cleaning eventhough at that time. .it's still early~ damn her~ she didn't even know the word scrumptious! She don't even know how to pronounce it when had it typed in the menu list! Maaan! what a pain~ I was just annoyed.

Despite all, I was grateful to have Niffy and Zhakuro over to MS and gave them a bit of a tour around MS and the Fun-fair =). After a long pathway difference, I guess the funfair could be a memorable reunite. And again. . .Despite everything that has gone wrong. . .I was able experience the Gordon Ramsay situation and the Cosplay cafe together with a lots of crazy fun!!! Took lots of picture with the cosplayers and that made me happy~

Posting up some pictures I stole from a lot of ppl~ Sorry~

Me working on those Milk shakes

checking whether it's green tea or not~

The Milk Shake Girl

The preparation

look at me~ weird expression

robots~

haha~

miku, jay S, me

The lucky winner. . .she wins the Rukia sword because of me!!

The Doll

Niffy~

Riku~

Just wanna say, thank you and credits to those who were involved in the Cafe!

without you all, the cafe will never be able to run~

2012

2009-11-22T14:29:00.003Z

I am relieved that exam's finally over. So next stop is The Gym! hahah JPMC~ with my siblings. It was fun. . . really it was ~ a step on the threadmill makes you wanna run like wild. . .Well, in my case jog like wild ~ LOL! about an hour, I had enough of the Gym and we decided to hit a few stores to buy new clothes. . .well I didn't really find anything I liked ~ so I guess my sister is the only who had her shopping done~ and yes! she is crazy enough to finish up about 300 plus dollars on clothes at this particular shop =_=~ Owh well, I was damn hungry and I can't wait to get home and taste my dad's mac and cheese~ and hell yeah. . .when I did~ it was scrumptious!

In the evening, we planned to watch 2012!and so we did~ it was SO AWESOME!!!!! Do you know the kinds of movie whenever you think of it you still remember the exact lines of the movie said by the actors/actresses? this is the kind of movie!!!!! I still remember when the little kid was surprised to see the big plane . .which has this big cockpit thing in the front. .well you get it when I said big. .it's bigger than the usual ~ the little boy said to the owner of the plane, Yuri a rich spoiled arrogant Russian man with a big nose. The boy said, "Wow! that's big". . .and the Russian man, Yuri replied "It's Russia" . . .with his Russian accent and exaggeration of him pronouncing his words slowly and is really proud of it~ I really love that line. . .and I don't know why. .and I still laugh at it whenever I remember anything that got to do with 2012. .so funny~ and there's another significant line in the script. . .the part where the Russian guy wanted to start the engine's car. . .he said with his thick Russian accent "Start your Engine!"~~~ LOL! that one is also hilarious~

After the movie, we went to Swensens. . .and I ate a lot~ the salmon with rice thingy with a super soda and the dessert. . .blonde something something . .I don't remember. . .it comes in with a sizzling cake and sweet gravy and ice-cream~ so it was a very great Dinner~ =)

Here's some awesome pictures in Swensens~

chocolate supersoda~

aaaa~

water~

Me and my sis. .taking the photo, my bro~

In front of the main entrance of my house, about to jalan~ yayyy!

It will never flap!

2009-11-20T19:20:00.000Z

You don't know how miserable I had been after that trip to the 'UK universities fair' at the Empire hotel. . .well actually it was yesterday. My parents keep on telling me that I shouldn't take architecture as my course. They somehow strictly forbid me to take it. They said that the probability of getting a job after finishing the course would be too low. . .JKR is the only place and a few others like town planning department and the development area would take architects to work for them. They pointed out that there are too many architects who are unemployed still and had strayed apart from their attachments into becoming an art teacher. They keep on repeating their mumblings of whatever.

They went ballistic when I said, it'll take me seven years to finally become an 'architect' . . .@_@ I can't believe they last minutely make me change my course. . . . .and I only have a few days left. I think I was given the 26th of November to complete everything and pay & send. This is so not fair. . .I have done half way on my architecture personal statement. . .and they still. . . .force me to change. I can't escape from this. . .I really can't. . .'cause I am gonna use their money to pay&send anyways right? . . .I am so sad. . .I really am. . .

"And there I thought my freedom is like me flying with wings that actually flaps. . .but no! . . .these wings are just for display. . . . ." by me. @_@

After all this, the right thing to do is. . .of course. . . .follow whatever they ask me to. . .change my course. Owh yea. . .but change into what? now I am not sure. I was thinking of changing it into geophysics . . But I have trouble writing up my personal statement . . .because I don't have anything that relates to geophysics. . .and it's not really my passion and all, I don't have much interest in it . . .except. . .the BSP scholarship~ mechanical engineering is already in ITB. . .boohoo~ and medical engineering is umm. . .what? okay. . .I am actually researching each course listed on the courses offered scholarship by the ministry. . .and . . .yes. . .back to square one.

Architecture . . .an ambition since child is now . . .crushed into pieces. I am actually really lost now. . .and I keep on saying "architecture. . .maybe my next life?" to myself. Do I really have to follow whatever my parents say? I mean, it is my life? I can do whatever I want right? I am the one taking the degree. . not them. . .if it is a wrong choice, it's me that suffers, not them right? but. . . .why do I feel that it's a right thing to follow whatever they say?

The big plus is. . .because of all this. . .I am really traumatized. . .and I lost my ideas until I can't continue writing my personal statement. . .I am really stuck, I can't finish it. Sigh. . .

Is this a sign that I really should follow them? I guess it is right.

I fart! so?

2009-11-20T14:02:00.000Z

The video by nigahiga. . .says it all!! seriously~

and it's really funny too~

VP <3

2009-11-19T13:38:00.002Z

venetian princess is pretty amazing~

her parodies are super awesome~ and this is my favourite

Love VP! she's pretty, don't you agree?

Free~

2009-11-19T13:17:00.003Z

Hey~ tomorrow is my last exam and tonight will be the last time. .I would be stressing up about exams, the last night that I would be learning about chemical reactions, Haber process and all those stuff I used to go easy on. I don't feel that 'free' yet, as freedom to me has it's meaning and this is not what I meant when I said 'freedom'. Maybe I am free from those long mind torturing revision and long whines of wanting . .those miseries to end. But somehow, I really still feel I have a lot to accomplish. . .I still have this burden that needs to be carried around. . .

The reason are because I have a lot of things to do. Plans or no plans. I have a lot of things to do that I could make a list of things that I need to accomplish before this month ends.

1) I NEED TO FINISH MY PERSONAL STATEMENT.

2) Mange the cafe and get more chefs

3) at least finish half of my portfolio

4) send my UCAS by the 26th

5) The graduation meeting

6) Whatever my sister wants << ( haha)

Before I continue on with this never ending list. . .I think I have to stop listing because. . .there are pretty much a lot of things. I know, this could make me busy and not get bored at home doing nothing and all. . .so that I won't feel jobless. . .But I guess that's the good thing.

Of course. . .every holiday needs some fun~~~ I am expecting fun to come my way. . .I love plans. . .and hopefully I am planned to have fun 'automatically'.

Lady Gaga- Bad romance

2009-11-17T17:01:00.002Z

I just wanna say. . .that. . .she is so amazing!

Make a wish

2009-11-17T13:04:00.003Z

Being a human is so cruel.

Even though it's heartbreaking. . .I feel hungry.

Even though it's painful . . I still feel sleepy.

And even though it's painful for me, I still eat and sleep Peacefully!

I can never forgive myself and hence it becomes even more painful.

Solid pain as it is torture to one self. However, being human amplifies it more.

But I ask myself, if I am not human. .then what shall I be?

the other existence cannot compete. As love only exists in humans and other than love is what you call gravitation.

And only humans would feel this pain and naturally the pain would fade away. .healed.

I long for a miracle to happen. But I know deep inside that miracle doesn't exist in this cruel world, they are only inevitability and accidents. However, sometimes the outcome of your action, which becomes inevitable will overlap with your dreams and so you will fulfill your dream unexpectedly. I don't know if that can be called a miracle. .I really don't know. . .But, there's one thing I am really sure about is that. . .Nothing will happen if you don't wish for it!

A shooting star or a meteorite shower, I heard, will be happening tomorrow at dawn. I wanna make a wish. =D

Turn it off~

2009-10-23T04:15:00.002+01:00

Turn it off>> Another awesome song by Paramore. .You just HAVE to hear this out~ IT's like. . .one of those songs which slaps you right onto your face. .and leaves a mark saying. ."WAKE UP!!!!!!!!" and it's also one of those songs which you feel like the writer is writing a song for you.

JUST get your limewire/frostwire ready to download the awesome song. .and yeahh, download everything on paramore~ it's really worth it. .the new album. ."brand new eyes" is so. . .MAGICAL.

The heart-melting lyrics of the song>>

{Verse 1}
I scraped my knees when I was praying
And found a demon in my safest haven, seems like
It's getting harder to believe in anything
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts
I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
Or turn it off in all my spite
In all my spite i'll turn it off

{Chorus}
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom

{Verse 2}
The tragedy, it seems unending
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions
Just to come out the hero
Well I can see behind the curtain (I can see, yeah yeah)
The wheels are cranking, turning,
It's all wrong the way we're working
Towards a goal, that's nonexistent
It's nonexistent, but we just keep believing

{Chorus}
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom

{Bridge}
I wanna know what it'd be like
To find perfection in my pride
To see nothing in the light
and turn it off in all my spite
in all my spite i'll turn it off
Just turn it off again

{Chorus}
And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're headed for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom
[X2]

Dedicate this song to anyone reading this.

Enjoy~ And yes I know you will~

Kiss of life~

2009-09-09T15:23:00.002+01:00

Currently digging this awesome song. .(to me it's awesome~) Kiss of life by Friendly Fires. The video itself makes me wanna dance~ LOL~ And bravo to Friendly Fires for an awesome song and video!

Kiss of life!
Rub that line above the sand
I can see you closer
Closer than you´ll ever be
Rub that line above the sand
I know you think it´s over
Staring out into the sea

Don´t let go this could be so perfect.
Don´t let go if we hold onto it

Rub that line above the sand
Right before the tide comes
Washes you away from me

Oooooh kiss of life (2x)

Could you wave goodbye to sun?
The sea the stars the waves the tide?
The wails inside that life has died.
But all you need is a kiss of life

Rub that line out of the sky
I can feel the night crawl
A broken drum and tambourine
Rub that line out of the sky
I can see the clouds form
Taking shape in front of me

Don´t let go this could be so easy
Don´t let go if you hold on to me

Rub that line out of the sky
Right before the sun falls

Oooooooh Kiss of life (2x)
Kiss of life

Could you wave goodbye to sun?
The sea the stars the waves the tide?
The wails inside that life has died
But all you need is a kiss of life

Could you wave goodbye to sun?
The sea the stars the waves the tide?
The wails inside that life has died
But all you need is a kiss of life

Oooooooh Kiss of life (2x)
Kiss of life

A thousand butterflies from your lips to mine
(repeat 3x)

Kiss of life

Destroy~

2009-09-07T03:05:00.004+01:00

I know I said I won't blog anymore after the last post . .I mean. .gonna be on hiatus and all. .but . .I failed to do so. .HAHA!

*Breathe* This time for real, starting today. .I should strictly set some ground rules to my self so that I could control my addiction towards. .um. .blogging and. .music hunting. .facebooking. .damn!
I would only check my blog on the weekends, once a week from now on. . same goes to Facebook~ I just hope this works. .'cause it better work!. .if not I am gonna lose more of my precious time. .sigh~

Owh yea. .Walaaah~~~~ My new layout~ DESTROY!!!!! hahahahaah! wanna know why?

Okay, remember when you're little . . .ya know, after gloriously able to build the highest lego structure using a few sets of legos . .and you have this urge to just destroy it?? And when you do get to destroy it. .you feel so powerful and at the same time you just feel. . .'Happy' and . .I guess. . again. .you might want to rebuild it. .

This precious feeling. . .is so pure and so delicate and so new. .I believe, you are only able to experience that feeling firsthand only when you're still a kid. . . 'Destroy' is very symbolic. . because humans 'always' have the ability to destroy and we humans destroy mostly everything. .I could list down a few. .we destroy our love, our environment, our accomplishment, ourselves and more. .BUT the consequences are of course. .failure and sadness, but never happiness.

So I ask myself. . When is destroying ever leading to happiness? I know, you could easily say. . by destroying sadness. .but then again, that doesn't bring us to a point where destroying could be as fun as it used to when we were little. .right?

But 'destroying' itself is quite contradicting. .it can either be good or bad. .but if you ask me. .of course, I will go for the good side. .We destroy so we can learn from our mistakes, we destroy because nature itself . .would eventually destroy us, and our body will eventually be destroyed naturally. .

And on the reality side, If I destroy myself with all this addiction crap, hormonal hurricane crap, all those stupid 'I don't know' feeling crap, being clueless and feeling as if everything and everyone is against me. .well. .let's just say I 'll just be 'ignorant' and that's one way to destroy what would've destroyed me! . .

So yeah, I am putting on my poker face~

Step Right Up!

2009-08-27T17:11:00.004+01:00

I want to quit school. But I can't.

I want to take drugs. But I can't.

I want to fall in love. BUT I can't.

I want to just rewind and start over. BUT I can't.

Don't ask me why! I just CAN'T!

LIFE is so unfair, But at least I have this thing called hope.

I might just have to hope. And yes I can!

It's a matter of time and yes it is. Everything is!

They say, I can handle stress. .But actually, stress handles me, makes sense?
what the hell I am doing right now? hah? yes. .writing it all out!

Words like knifes. And I hope it can kill someone.
whatever. Make sense? no.

Who cares!

Stupid alphabets, and only six out of 26 determines where you stand. And I am on the verge of sinking like the titanic! damn! I know I could do better, But I feel so damn tired. I am tired of deja-vu-ing . .doing the same thing over and over again. .not entirely the same thing. .but you get the picture right?

Why can't I just buy a grade? LOL! That'll be chaotic though~

But this might be the last post before another long hiatus. Seriously. .I need to focus . .and do my best! It's not the end of the world, yet~

Hmmmm. .Work hard . .now work extra hard, he says.

Yeahh, I should.

No more everyday facebook-ing and blog-ing and msn-ing and all those 'ing' !

I just have to give up my time, youth and life for this A levels!

I should be married to my books and have good grades for a child. .ewwww. .sounds weird!

I should just forget about the personal statement and what course should I take. .Cause if you ask me. .I really don't know what to do~ seriously~ it's sad!

I don't know what I wanna be in the future~ plus which UNI I should go to~

Screw that!

Owh yeahhh, Here's a song which totally opened up my eyes, ears and heart! to actually really say. .I shouldn't be trying to hard to impress everybody now~ I mean, I am sick and so damn tired of impressing someone!

And why not make a change! do the opposite. . .I'll just sit here and wait . .waiting for a sound, waiting for some sort of sign, waiting for someone to impress me~ you know what I mean. . Guys can do the same thing as girls would usually do. .But I am not saying that people should 'jual mahal' but to actually just go with the flow. .and let yourself be the bulls eye~ a target. .Hey, it's a chance.

"Step right up, Shoot an arrow at the target. .My heart is an easy thing for you to hit. Don't worry, If you miss I'll let you shoot again. .My heart is an easy thing for you to win" - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

A song by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - step right up

Please aim slow
I know it's not like you
To take the fall
For anyone but yourself
Let me show you a world
That you've never seen
Let me help you around
What you meant to say
There is no time to waste
Well if I love you can't hesitate

Step right up
Shoot an arrow at the target
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit
Don't worry
If you miss I'll let you shoot again
My heart is an easy thing for you to win

Whoa you know you did it again
And everytime I hear your voice
Well you know I had no choice but to let you in
Life's short
Don't pretend

Let me show you a world
That you've never seen
Let me help you around
What you meant to say
There is no time to waste
Well if I love you can't hesitate

Step right up
Shoot an arrow at the target
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit
Don't worry
If you miss I'll let you shoot again
My heart is an easy thing for you to win
Step right up
Shoot an arrow at the target
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit
Don't worry
If you miss I'll let you shoot again
My heart is an easy thing for you to win

Oo where could I see you
To let you know every day
I am grateful
I wish I could turn back time
Or maybe rewind
I would find you when we were younger
So we could spend all the time on earth together longer

Step right up
Shoot an arrow at the target
My heart is an easy thing for you to hit
Don't worry
If you miss I'll let you shoot again
My heart is an easy thing for you to win

Step right up again
And if I love you can't hesitate
Step right up again
My heart is aching I can barely wait
Step right up again
When if I love you can't hesitate
Step right up again
My heart is aching I can barely wait

Gifts.Freebiejeebies

2009-08-16T04:09:00.001+01:00

Gifts.Freebiejeebies

Shared via AddThis

It's not over

2009-08-12T15:17:00.001+01:00

I did my Chemistry presentation today and it went very well, although people were being a bit restless, noisy and blah blah blah. .but Cher Qilah said it was okay so it is then~ I guess my topic was easy, NMR. .and they already know about it and all.

What made me so down today was really because that my Statement of entry was not with Cher Qilah. The others have already gotten it except me. .and yeahhh, it worries me. What did I do? my qualifying grades are okay and if I remembered I did pass up the A-level exam registraton form. GOSHHH! Help! And there I was panicked the minute Cher Qilah said. ."BOWH!". .LOL. . . .*breathe* hmmmm. .maybe they misplaced it or gave it to the wrong group tutor or something. . .well at least that's what I thought Until I realized about my IC. I haven't updated it and it's kind of overdued and it's so typically bruneian of me not to update it earlier. And guess what? it's been a year and 5 months overdue. .GOSH I am refugee!!!!!! I am ignorant, My parents. .worst.

Hmm. On the other hand, my social life is kind of unstable right know; my circle of friends are not exactly a circle anymore, more like a sickle. I know, at one point, you might lose a friend and and at the the same time, I believe that you might find a new one. But it is sad to actually think about what you might lose. I still care for those people who also give a damn about me~But I have become more lonelier and more distant from those people. I can't really blame them, I mean, I was the one who decided to do so due to certain unmentionable reasons. I don't how a small matter is such a big deal to some people. Okay, I am babbling.

Well, to keep it simple. . .Hey you, I don't want to lose a friend anymore. I have already forgiven all your mistakes. But I can't never understand why, you have to be angry with me for me being angry with you. It's not fair. I was the one who is mad at first. And I know you said sorry but at that time, sorry doesn't seems to make any sense at all. If you are a true friend and if you were sincere with your apologies then, you won't avoid me. What the hell is wrong with you woman? your ego is as big as a cookie monster, and you are lucky that I can easily forgive someone. Hmm. .I just want to make this clear. .my personal life meaning whatever and whoever I wishes to be with in the future is none of your business. And me being single does not make me a homo!!. And no thank you for your advice, let me do this on my own.

"The people you care about and people who cares about you, do not care about the mistakes that you have done . .what matters is and what they care about is. . what's next??"

And these song I dedicate it to you and it means a lot to me and maybe you. The lyrics are like words from the bible. (yeah right~)

Secondhand Serenade - It's not over

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you, or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

It's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

Fleeting freedom

2009-08-09T15:25:00.000+01:00

Owh goshhhhh! It was awesome! I had a blast!!!! And you guys are amazing! It's been a few months since I ever set foot to the Mall! I went to KBOX!!!!!!!!! SINGING 12 SONGS all with my heart out!!!!!!!

Here's some pictures!

ah?

one, two, three, four, five and six

us

Erna and me

Ani and me~

window shopping

lalalala

=D

Damn sadness

2009-08-07T17:41:00.001+01:00

I am sad because there's approximately only about two months left till A-levels and about 4 months left till school ends. Isn't that a very sad news? well supposedly a fact. It's so soon. . I haven't even done much and I still have a lot to accomplished and yes, I wanna make history. .to be remembered or something, but 4 months. .minus two months of exam, now left with 2 months! so little time!! Owh MY LORD! Makes me wanna cry thinking about it.

And the worst part is, thinking about if I ever would see my friends again? I doubt we would see each other like we used to like in school. People change, grow up and don't really care about all this wishy washy stuff. . they mature. I take it back if I ever said that I am so sick of hanging out. I take it back if I ever said that I want to grow up. And I take it back if I ever said that I hate School so much. And finally, I take it back if I ever said that I hate any of you. And School is a significant part of my life which shapes me now and maybe in the future . .who knows. Speaking of the future, Hmm. .I am not so sure what and where I want to be. Time on the other hand, well actually the main problem of all is NEVER on my side.

I wish I could go back to my deprived childhood and mend all those broken things. I miss jungle gyms, toy cars, little action figures, fake pistols and everything~

Hmmph. Now, What I am suppose to think about is all those serious and boring stuff. .Like, which university I have to choose and what course should I take . .and like, the graduation stuff to be handled. Wait, scratch the last one out of the list. Um, I feel like doing nothing for the graduation cos . . whatever, not worth mentioning it.

We usually don't have problems when we were lil, and now, Goshhhh! one problem after another, it keeps on coming at the wrong timing.

FUCK! I hate this.

Where and What?

2009-07-29T17:42:00.003+01:00

Where have you been?

Actually, the right question is . .What took you so long?

Hmm. I waited and waited and in the end, What I realized that it's not you that I am waiting for. And it's not you that triggers me to find 'hope'. We used to go out and we spent most of our times together, nowhere far from here. What took you so long? so long to trust and to believe and to see what I have in me. I would compare this to the same situation that I have gone through all this years and I guess I am not alone, And almost everybody feels this way. Losing almost everything. But I believe, life pays everyone fairly sometimes but and of course our fate would not always have the right timing. Bad Timing.

What took you so long to see That I need you here? Seriously, I could've spent all those years of the absence of me, with you. I could've been your classmate, your friend and shares lunch together and get to know each other bit by bit everyday. I wish I was someone else, some one close. And yet all those, are just part of the game. Not to mention, that I am always half empty, trying to figure out what life actually means when all is just so broken.

Bare with me. None of you would understand what I am talking about. I don't see that I have to make things clear for anyone and yet I have my limits. I am bound to be left alone.

It's not fair that you are near yet so far when it comes to what we have and it's sad to see that I could do nothing about it. I can't say that we are something now but at the same time, I can't say that we are nothing. I just hope, our pasts would just last to hold this bridge forever, regardless of what change we had on ourselves and regardless of what you had accomplished. We could just be normal and free.

But the same question still, What took you so long and where have you been?

Never answered but just forever repeated in our minds.

I miss you =D

Brand New Eyes

2009-07-28T17:42:00.002+01:00

I HAVE A NEW LAYOUT . .YAY!

I think I am gonna stick with this one for a very long time. I LOVE Paramore and to show that I am a true fan of Paramore, I am gonna use this layout! I CAN'T WAIT for paramore's new ALBUM = BRAND NEW EYES!!! Coming this September I think~

Anyways, Ignorance by Paramore is like the thing that keeps on playing in my head. Not healthy to think about it though, because it's a song about being angry and all. But I am not angry, don't want to be angry and I know I could be, But I don't want! Listening to that song those triggers my anger because all those stupid flashbacks flashing right through me. Hmm. But whatever, I Still LOVE this song and songs before and after this song. Whatever.

I AM GOING PARAMORE!

I am not an emo. At least, not yet~

Happy Birthday Riku!

2009-07-26T06:52:00.004+01:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIKU!
aka

MIZAH!

MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU~

Sorry I have to use that picture. .LOL~

Shake off that POKER Face of yours and turn into a smile~

Happy Birthday Rumm!!!

2009-06-23T08:18:00.000+01:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUMM!!!!
MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU!!!!

Unexpected Vacation

2009-06-21T19:30:00.003+01:00

Hello daily readers (I wish). The angels of luck may have given me a lucky penny and made my holiday so obviously interesting. I am going of to Kuala Lumpur. .Well tonight to be exact. .On such short notice I wasn't able to inform all of you that I am going to KL. But If you do try and find me. .*nods* ehem. .my tuition teachersss to be exact. .Please Don't!!!! I will be enjoying my dinner and breakfast in whatsoever restaurant in KL and you might see me in TV3 doing my shopping spree. .again, I am so sorry . .

I will be gone from 22nd June 2009 Monday
8.00 p.m

Untill

26th June 2009 Friday 5.00 p.m

Within these times. I will assure you, My services will be off.

Seriously, I need to take break. And yeah this is it.

I will Send you a postcard~

whatever!

Happy Birthday Ani Nadirah

2009-06-21T08:16:00.000+01:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
ANI NADIRAH!
MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE. .

I want SUSHI!!!!!!!

2009-06-17T06:49:00.000+01:00

Lobster with seaweed rolls

Seafood sushi and wasabi

Salmon paradise

Vegie Sushi

Omelet sushi and heart shaped

Fruits and mix

Salmon mini

I am so hungry! and I am so craving for sushiiii!!!!!!!! huhuuuuh. .Please anyone? bring me to excapade. .LOL!

Thoughts and what's written

2009-06-16T14:57:00.004+01:00

"Lock the doors cause I'd like to capture this voice that came to me tonight so that everyone will have a choice, and under red lights I'll show myself it wasn't forged, we're at war, we live like this" - Words of Paramore from We are Broken.

My mind is on the verge of finding its new 'ways', paths I cannot imagine absurdly conquering my judgments. I believe words are only able to express what's both exterior and interior minds. So I have reached a certain limit in life which overturns my priority. Boredom can't be a solid reason for everything as almost everything I have shadows what wasn't interesting. I only know, that I miss the old days, and holidays are the only times which I actually ever thought of it. I am making my head go round and round, so confused. This wasn't what I expected my holidays to be, filled with bottomless holes of 'I don't know what to do!'. It's painful to even thought about it. I need something, but I don't really know what that something really is and I believe no one has the answer. If I say that I wanted adventure, then what am I doing here? at home doing nothing. I know I can't really go anywhere, and I know I would spent most of my time at home doing nothing, but boredom again, is not the only reason why I feel so restless. I am feeling so alive on wanting to do so many things that I can't really do during the school days/exams. But, it feels like, I miss school.

The song from Paramore said it all. I have inspiration soon-to-be-coming to me but it won't go into my head unless my mind is free from useless thoughts and I guess free from thoughts of wanting something more than what my mind can afford. I believe that my mind right now is at war, voices. .and yes, voices in my head are all talking at the same time, I can't listen to all but I am not crazy to actually believe that these are real voices. What I mean by voices are my thoughts, well I guess you can say that it is in the form of voices, in a way. There are also spaces in my head that wants me to just waste time. What I believe, our minds can actually bend time; Something or whatever, has totally messed up with my perception of time, and everything seems to go by so fast and sometimes so slow. Being home doesn't mean that I am alone but sometimes it does whenever I feel so bored.

It rained. It feels a bit peaceful, and I manage to get a head start of doing some formal things; school work. I did a few organizing, the thick pile of papers on my table are now gone, kept in numbered files in my bookshelves as amybe I would someday need it. It's a relief, now I have a bit of space on my table, I did a few sketches of designing stuff. Still, my mind would never fail to make me so restless again and by doing other stuff, I can't avoid my restlessness. But at that time, I felt that I Just want to break free from something. I really think that I have been holding my stress until now, the exams stress. And I know I should get over it and moved on, but awaiting for mt results is just so horrifying and I know deeply that I did some papers really badly, and yeahh, I would never miss thinking about how I did, everyday. It's just forever in you mind I guess.

Rest. Never in my life that I had enough rest. I guess the only 'rest' which is so perfect, is of course, to be dead, rest in peace. But I won't go that far. I am only human with life, so short to begin with. And I know, it is wasting my time to actually waste my time with just resting. But I need time to rest. I guess you could say that I am feeling a bit miserable, only because my mind is such in a war right now. My biggest problem is, I don't know what I really want in life but I know I want to be, everyine does. but I don't know how that can ever happen to me. Could I ever be happy? or Am I plainly just being a spoiled brat who thinks that his life is the worst. I know better than that, and I know some people aren't that lucky. I have to say, the future right now, to me, is like a cloud. And you know what that means, and I hope that'll change. .change into something so securing.

I would love to have company, but my friends. . . . .let's just say, I have no one I can trust anymore. I don't think I can trust anyone anymore. .Don't know why. .

I miss you guys (you know who you are). I miss you all. And I am okay, for now.

Yours sincerely,

Seraphic

Faraway

2009-06-15T16:58:00.001+01:00

Faraway

In a faintest dream filled with timeless fate,

I saw your glimmering eyes,

Sets to wander far and beyond emotions deep,

and yearning for your warmth, to melt this fragile soul,

As you walk towards this pathless horizon,

your hands would make the sound of thunder.

Now, a thousand miles away from you,

And blindly no words should show fear,

I cried soulfully for the worst,

as your taintless heart dissolves in blue.

I solemnly deny I used to love the ocean,

And here without your whispers of truth,

As no freedom should describe these lies,

The love you chant and hide to satisfy,

were precious moments of love derived.

The purest pain has shattered its painful meaning,

Shedding its entity away from a purifying anger,

And below the depths of an unchained rhythm,

lies the splendour of a sudden forgiving.

The clashes of time and pondering heartbeats,

Shadows the clarity of useless thoughts,

And as you breathe in my breeze of affection,

You charm the values of missing and fondness attraction.

Your possessions make a channel of reminiscence,

As you count the days of your distance to past the time,

And places far beyond our reach,

where the memories are forever overflowing.

I want to dedicate this poem to the ones who are faraway.

Words I cannot verbalize

2009-06-13T14:21:00.006+01:00

Words I cannot verbalize

30 seconds of pain,
I see the start of another game,
it made me realize how important it is to stay the same,
the clouds move but I stand still wondering,
waiting and trying to recall something,
a memory flashing back without a trace,
a melody I hear sets me free flying,
a colour I see that keeps on fading,
but I have never realized all of those are just lies,
an act and a wonderful disguise,
filled with dreams so colourful yet so blur,
damaged with reasons so impure.

So wake me up from those fantasies,
shake it off my mind,
let it vanish in a mist or a sea breeze,
let me redefine those words I used to say,
words I prayed and the words I played.
Given a day to think,
my words articulate like a polished diamond,
so clear yet so complicated as if alienated.

Reminiscing those days of play,
finding and seeking for the truth,
a blinding light passing through,
illuminating the pathways to my future,
so bright but so new.
A fresh new page on a beautiful day,
written with love and despair,
saying those words while dreaming,
in the end of yesterday I have just realized,
those are the words I cannot verbalize.

I know I have posted this poem somewhere in this blog and maybe back then when I first started this blog. It was actually my very first poem that I have posted. I guess people didn't pay attention to it that much even though, to others and surprisingly myself, it was the best poem compare to the other poems I had written, but I blame myself because of not explaining what it really means, the poem itself has a lot meaning and only a few people know what words you usually cannot verbalize, but I won't get to the meaning too deeply here.

Today, I won first place for my category PU2, the poetry competition, but I didn't manage to get the 'best poem'. I am truly happy, and what makes me more happy is the juniors, form 5 guys who were surprisingly supporting for me. Unexpeceted indeed, and I was happy because at least there are some people who actually supported me, and although I was expecting some of my close friends to be there, some of them seems to be involved with something else. But the weird thing is, the form 5, wanted me take pictures with them, hmmm. Poetry, is not something simple and I wish to kill those who said it's 'crap'. Owh yeaa, not to mentioned, I was given the most coolest plaque ever. .it glows yohh! I was expecting something like a check or cash or somethng else but what the hell, the plaque is okay. I am also happy for c.Amii and Aini to get a plaque too~

okay, the Interpretation of this poem:

First paragraph, I chose 30 seconds because it is kind of appropriate and it explains that the pain of wanting to say somehing but you really can't is kind of temporary and small. The game, reflects my memories of change or no change, something like that. From the thought of it, being the same also means standing still observing the things around me, while thinking about something not clear and while thinking, mild distractions disrupt my conscience and which then, I realized all those distractions are just lies poisoning the real reasons of the words I thought about and I actually thought about it in a dream.

Second paragraph, the first line says that I was praying for my mind to be separated from fantasies or lies. And I also mentioned that, with it's weak power of influencing my mind, I wanted it to just flow away like 'mists' or 'seabreeze'. And while thinking of change, I want to change my prayers and words I have always used. And by giving me a second chance, my feelings and words would turn crystal clear but any one who does not share the same feeling as I do would never understand those words.

Third paragraph, I was finding hard for the reasons of me being so interested in saying these words and the feelings I have got. Thus, I seek for knowledge of this feeling. And I found out that it is actually for someone, someone I love, which would mean a future together which seems to be a right choice of path but all of this are still new to me and sometimes it is too much of a dream. I want to remember it forever so I carved or basically write in a new page of my life and hope for change. But no matter what, the path I saw was just a path, I haven't walk through it and I guess I am still stuck. Stuck where? stuck in my dreams, dreams of me verbalizing those words but in real life i still can never verbalize those words and in this case I can never say "I love You" to anyone because I have 'nobody'. Or for some cases, you can relate this to 'unrequited love' or she love 'someone else'.

Sorry for being too emo, this is what it is. It is not simple, one short poem can mean like a whole novel. There are so many ways of translating this poem and my way is the emo way.

Back too reality, posted some pictures from the event:

the students

the guest of honour and HOD

The opening poem

the performance

the glowing plaque!

me receiving the award!

from 4U performance

me reading my poem in front of everyone. .huhu. .I was like nervous

Aini's dad, aini, me and my mum

I was smiling here~

photo of my parents and me, Aini and her parents and amii and her dad.

June exams is so over!

2009-06-12T15:58:00.010+01:00

I FEEL GREAT!!!!!!

I will be receiving a prize tomorrow. .No big deal to some of you guys. .but it's kinda awesome to be receiving something on stage. Yess, I won something for the inter-class poetry competition. .I dunno what position I would get though. .it's kinda a surprise and pray with me, lets just hope that I would get number one for it. At least this totally would channel my ability or talent in writing poems and soon enough like what I have always wanted, for my poems to be published so I can share every feeling and emotion that I have with the whole world, not just sharing it with this so dull blog of mine. Isn't it great? if ever would get to that point. .hahaha. .But whatever happens I would always still write poems, not just because I wanna be a published poet, but also for the sake of doing it when my moody inspirations comes.

Enough of that, If you realized, this is the latest post eversince ummm. .february? hmmm. .seriously. .When I say that I am busy. .hell yeahhhh. .I am busy. .I have been working my ass off for my june exams and yes!!!! it is quite relaxing to knoe that everything of that is so over . .now I just have to concentrate eith my qualifying exams and at the same time. .I can have a bit of fun. .And I say "I AM SO FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ....There is so much to do . .I mean this holiday. .I wanna do a lot of things!!! And so maybe tomorrow I would totally list down the stuff I wanna do that I can't do during my so called hiatus. Thank god. .I really feel my life is stable now and hopefully I can focus on the important and most casual things.

What makes me really happy, was the fact that I have permanent internet access at home meaning I have espeed wireless. .thanks to my sister. .heheh. .and Hopefully I can blog everyday just like I used to. .And yeahhhh. .just like I promised someone. .that I would try to blog everyday and would never stop blogging. .

Here are some updates,

One of wahidah's shots.

when we jalan!

singing at Kbox, kareoke

HAHAH

excapade sushii

abiz sushii

sushii

Haziqah's bday party!!!

foood

maj, riku and me

me and Ani

group photo, bsp trip

in the bus, bsp trip

group photo?

Zati's birthday party~

me and riku

the games

haha

cake

sports day!!!

umbrella ella ella

at empire

empire, high tea

sports day, amii, me and rikuu

me and rikuu

aerobics

my chem mates

chem mates

jalan!

Fieqah's bday party

Update skajap..hahah

2009-02-25T07:38:00.005Z

Update skajap much!..hahah

It's been like. .ermmm. .almost two months now and my blog is like ber kulat and ber spider web. .meaning no updates at all. I am trying to get rid of my blogging habit but it's like totally impossible. .huhuhu. .I just can't! However, this totally doesn't mean that I am going to blog like I used to. .this is just an update. I felt really sorry for my blog. .kesian. .all alone. .updatelesss. .huhu. Anyway, during my GP class, we were in the ICT lab doing the presentation on health and medicine but we didn't do it because we didn't finish it so the other group did it. .so . .of course we slacked off and didn't pay attention. .the computer was near, the teacher is not even looking at us guys, concentrating on the other group's presentation, we took the liberty of using the computer to surf around people's blogs and pin pointing interesting photos. .blah blah blah. So yeahh, it totally occured to me that my blog was like dying and lifeless (you gotta to agree wif diz). .I need to do something about it. .it's in a stand still. .But I gotta admit it that pre-u 2 life is so lifeless!!! always busy here and there and yes. .it's hard to even actually update anything . .although I udated my facebook much. .and i guess that could be one of the reason why i forgot about my precious blog! hehee.

Anyway. .this year updates:

I am in Tutor Group 2 O and my tutor is Teacher Aqilah
My clasmates are okay!
My maths teacher is still Cgu Farid, Chem teacher Cgu Qilah, Physics teacher Madam Koo and GP teacher Cgu Malai.
I am on duty on Monday
I have officially migrated away from my former group, (the nameless group which consists of Fahizun, Nuren, Insyi) and joined the Assers table.
I did badly for my Maths AS. .and so I have to take it again in JUNE
I have made good relations with the FnVs and sometimes hang out with them.
Made new friends from GP and Chem.
I have officially joined and become one of the Career Coltz member! =D
Went for numerous Career talks and I fell in love with Dentistry!
Anime Club is my CCA
I have become one of the HEAD of the WARDROBE Committee!
I go for tuition at Imtiaz.
I got a new B.mobile Phone!

So. .I guess that's it for now. . And on the academic side. .For maths, I am improving for both stats and pure maths, and for chemistry I am maintaining a Grade B and there are no test for physics yet. .But recently, physics is getting hard but I enjoy learning it~

Here's some pictures:

C.Faiqa and C.Zati

aku (hang out arah class sii zati before registration)

Sii Amal

During Physics class. .aduii. .sowang2 tidurrrr

Sleeping like a baby much. .hahah

Owh yea. .one last thing. .I hope to get this as alive as it used to. .I will try and I just want to say that. .I really2 miss my friends in UK! Especially, c. Amy, c. Erna, c. Baz, c.Chris and others!!!

Seraphic

Happy birthday to erna!

2008-12-24T16:55:00.003Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERNA!

Happy 18! Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18! Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18! Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!Happy 18!

hahah. .I am annoying. .thank you!

May ALLAH bless you! HAPPY LEGAL JUA~
AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Jangan marah. .I posted up this picture k. .

About Erna? hmmm. .

-AN Otaku~
-She makes heavenly cookies. .and I miss her and her cookies~
-nice and friendly.

Family Outings

2008-12-19T15:52:00.000Z

FAMILY OUTING!

Today, I cut my hair. And jalan-jalan with my family. And celebrate my birthday again. .second time =S. .heheh. Although, I had celebrated it during my birthday. .15th. .but. .they insisted that we should celebrate it again in an official way. .and so. .insisting that we should not to break the so called tradition of celebrating my birthdays at Rizqun. .erm. .I again celebrated my birthday again! at Rizqun! I had dinner. .hahah. .asal kana lanja!

And you know what! I met Cikgu Ayu. .remember her? she's still the same! and what I mean by that was. .that she is still her sarcastic self! But the thing that kept me laughing was. .that she actually forgot my name!!! and mistaken me for c.JIMMY!!! HAHAHAH. .LOL. .BUT hey, I am so glad that I got to meet her again!

Here's some pictures!

Before getting a haircut!!

Fixing her shoes. .the stone got loose

After getting a haircut at. .Essentials salon, the mall

After the haircut. .lawa right? no more bushy hair!! yay!!

my sister and the christmas tree

my sis. .eating at Gelato

me and my sis. .eating ice cream

Shopping at utama grand.

in front of rizqun!

My dinner at rizqun. .celebrating my bday again!

nyummy. .cake~

desserts already~

wow. .look at my food. .plenty~

bahagia. .new haircut and another bday celebration~

my sister

candid

My Mummy~

wow!

me and my brother!

Jog

2008-12-17T15:27:00.004Z

BUKIT SHAHBANDAR II

Okay people, my third time actually. .jogging with my siblings and be healthy. .hahah

AND I would like to say a HAppy BIrthday to MAJIN!!

Here's some pictures!

the parking lot/forest

huuhuu. .reached the first pondok of the first bukit

ngaleyh!

peace yo!

us siblings!

c.adib, my bro

me

my sis

the forest!

My Birthday

2008-12-15T13:56:00.001Z

My Birthday. .

I AM EIGHTEEN! and LEGAL!
but I am not sure if I am gonna take my driving license next year. .huhu hopefully I will!
To make things short! I watched Earth Stood Still and it was awesome, then I had dinner at Rizqun!

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO: the people who wished me a Happy Birthday. .Mostly People at facebook and of course this Blog.

Here's some pictures!

Eyh candid!

taking pictures before take off!

Hmm. .is my hair okay?

bahagia?

Awu ahh! aku vain!!

hehe. .I want your scarf!

haha!

hehe!

At Rizqun. .nyummy! eating . .khusyuk banar aku atowh.

Mimi, sis and me

mimi, amal, sis, me and anwar

wheeeee

langap2-ing

hmm!

anwar, me, sis, amal and mimi